The Pilgrim Congress

There is probably nothing I hate more than when someone forwards me some asinine email about crime rates, or people of Walmart, or a video of some kid dancing to some piece of music that makes my ears bleed.  Lets just all agree that the Internet is a truly awesome place, full of wonder and [...]

Funny story, my dad once got a letter from Stephen King’s lawyers informing my father that he was to cease and desist in sending mail to the author.  What precipitated this letter, you ask?  Well, my father thought it would be hilarious to send Mr. King a series of letters claiming that the ideas for [...]

Oh Internet, how long has it been since I updated you on the state of my mental health?  Too long, you say.  That’s what I thought.
Let me give you the haiku version first.  Still crazy in head.  Pharmaceuticals help some.  Jesus Banana.
Now for the slightly longer, but still appropriate blog length, version:
I no longer see [...]

Dearest People Who Read This,
My brain hurts,  so I’m going to do something a little different today.  I’m going to share lots of random thoughts.  None of which are related.  Well, they are related in the sense that they originated in my brain parts, but that’s it.  Essentially, I’m too lazy to work any smooth [...]

Up until now there have been only two subjects that I considered off limits in this blog.
1.  My job.
This is purely practical.  I have no interest in being dooce’d.  I work in a conservative field, for a conservative company, in a very buttoned-up position.  Also, my job is not terribly [...]

Let me tell you a story.  A story about how my new apartment is infested with bats.  And mice.  And you can’t drink the water.  Because it smells like rotten eggs.  Well, it only smells  when we have water, which is approximately 50% of the time.  So, that was less of a story and more [...]

Or maybe a more accurate title would be, I am *this close* to procreation.  Other people’s procreation.

I have about 20 million pregnant friends at the moment.  And about 10 million friends with new babies.  And you know what?  I love babies.  I love their chubby cheeks and baby smell.  I love their fuzzy heads and [...]

I grew up in a city located just outside of Boston.  After high school, I went to college in another major city in Massachusetts.  After college, I got a job in Boston.  Do you know what all of these areas have?  Public transportation!  And sidewalks!  Do you know what that means?  It means, if you [...]

Hey, guess what?  I am never moving again.  I am going to die in this place.  You see, my system is delicate and cannot handle things like “change,” or stuff that is “new,” or anything that is not “exactly the way it should be.” 
Don’t get me wrong, I was so incredibly excited to move.  I [...]

I sit up at night planning your demise.  I dream of a world without cardboard uhaul boxes.  And then I wake up and you are still here.  Filled with my stuff.  Mocking me.  Well, it ends today.  I am going to tear out what remains of your insides and throw you in a dumpster like [...]