The Pilgrim Congress

I realize I’m a little late to the party, 3 days late.  Forgive me.
Currently I am married to this gorgeous man.

These days Valentine’s Day is a fun affair.  This year Ben bought me flowers and chocolates and he made me a lobster dinner.  But that’s not what this is about.  No, this is about one [...]

There is probably nothing I hate more than when someone forwards me some asinine email about crime rates, or people of Walmart, or a video of some kid dancing to some piece of music that makes my ears bleed.  Lets just all agree that the Internet is a truly awesome place, full of wonder and [...]

If I were independently wealthy I would totally be a recluse.  I think I would be awesome at it.  I would be able to dedicate all of my time to cleaning and developing my neurosis.  I realize that most people dream of a life where they could easily afford to travel all the time and [...]

Dearest People Who Read This,
My brain hurts,  so I’m going to do something a little different today.  I’m going to share lots of random thoughts.  None of which are related.  Well, they are related in the sense that they originated in my brain parts, but that’s it.  Essentially, I’m too lazy to work any smooth [...]

At my core, I am an insecure narcissist who needs lots of approval from others in order to continue functioning.  It follows that one of my favorite things in life is the specific brand of validation called “blog awards.”  There’s a little problem though, I also lack the proper follow through to acknowledge and pass [...]

I hate Christmas.  For many reasons, some of which I will outline for you here:
1.)    I do not like events that require “family time.”  I feel this is self-explanatory, but in case its not, I’ll elaborate:  My family is crazy and holidays generally descend into arguing about topics ranging from income taxes to various family [...]

A surprising number of people are into freaky pilgrim on ninja porn.  And Ben and I are happy to oblige, however there is a minor issue.  My camera is awful.  Like it is the worst camera ever.  After months of trying to get it to focus and take photos, it continues to mock me.  But [...]

Happy Thanksgiving Americans!!  This is my favorite holiday.  Why?  Many reasons, allow me to elaborate:

I Hate Turkeys.  I live in New Hampshire, and in case you weren’t aware, New Hampshire is overrun with turkeys.  Also, in case you weren’t aware, turkeys are assholes.  They chase small children.  They also surround my Jeep and force me [...]

First off, I am not dead.
Secondly, I did not quit blogging.
Thirdly, your emails?  They touched me.  Inappropriately.  They made me take my top off and they touched me.  It was very uplifting.
On to your questions:
Jill Pilgrim, why did you stop posting?
Short prison sentence.  Which may or may not be related to the male prostitute ring [...]

Dudes, Maxie is kind of a big deal.  I sort of want to have her blog babies.   They would be so disgusting, yet lovable.  Also I Hate So Much could be my personal credo, if Maxie hadn’t gotten to it first.  Damn her!  Maxie totally speaks my language, inappropriate hilarity.  She’s 100% Very Real Jesus [...]