1. Ask me, “So, when are you and Ben going to start a family?”
2. Respond with, “You’re pregnant!” when I say, “I have good news!”
<insert eight other iterations of that same idea here>
Here’s the thing, asking a lady about her sex life? That shit is inappropriate. Asking people about their family plans? That shit is [...]
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There is probably nothing I hate more than when someone forwards me some asinine email about crime rates, or people of Walmart, or a video of some kid dancing to some piece of music that makes my ears bleed. Lets just all agree that the Internet is a truly awesome place, full of wonder and [...]
At my core, I am an insecure narcissist who needs lots of approval from others in order to continue functioning. It follows that one of my favorite things in life is the specific brand of validation called “blog awards.” There’s a little problem though, I also lack the proper follow through to acknowledge and pass [...]
Or maybe a more accurate title would be, I am *this close* to procreation. Other people’s procreation. I have about 20 million pregnant friends at the moment. And about 10 million friends with new babies. And you know what? I love babies. I love their chubby cheeks and baby smell. I love their fuzzy heads and [...]
If I were a rich man, da da da da da da da da DAAAAAAA.
Far be it from me to critique your awesome skills. I mean you created dinosaurs and Walmart, so you know, Jesus 2, me 0. But I would like to make a small suggestion. When you created the world and shit, I think you made a slight miscalculation in the number of hours required to get [...]
At the funeral of a friend’s father
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