Anywho, its a new year and all that good stuff, so I feel as though I should share my resolutions with you.  I assume you’re terribly interested.  Its an exciting one.  Are you ready?  This year I resolve to… something or other.  I’m struggling to come up with a resolution.  Or at least the kind of resolution you can share in polite company when asked by some stupid acquaintance, “What’s your New Year’s resolution?”  I’m think my REAL resolution, which is to catch a wild moose then castrate it then watch it develop devil antlers, would confuse and horrify some of my more uptight friends.  So, I feel like I need another resolution, one that is more pc.  But I still want this resolution to be something I can accomplish.  Here are some ideas I’ve been bandying about:

• Play tambourine in a garage band comprised exclusively of 14 year old boys.
• Conquer my fear of throwing up (this one may require me becoming bulimic, but I’m open)
• Mail Stone Philips one love letter a day for 365 days
• Teach Coco Spanish so that she and I can have secret conversations in front of Ben

That’s all I’ve come up with so far, so I was thinking it would be awesome if you could share your resolution and if any of them are any good I’ll just do that.  We’ll be resolution buddies!  Our bond shall be unbreakable.

Next topic.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation New Year’s Eve

I am old and like to go to bed early, lets just start with that.

When discussing what we would do for New Year’s, Ben and I agreed that we wanted to keep it fairly low key.  Something fun, but not too raucous.  We decided on the Boston Pops Orchestra.  I love classical music, I love Symphony Hall, done and done.  I bought tickets for New Year’s Eve without looking too closely at the program for the evening.

Fast forward to last night.  Ben and I arrive at Symphony Hall, we look like this:

Almost everyone else looked like this:

Clearly something was amiss.  See, what I had failed to notice when I bought our tickets was that Amanda Palmer, from The Dresden Dolls, was going to be accompanying the Pops.  And as such, the audience was full of teenagers dressed as homeless people from the 20s?  Or something.  I’m not hip, so I could be getting it wrong.  Mixed in with the Amanda Palmer fans were some frightened elderly, who also thought they were just going to a nice classical concert, but were in fact walking into something entirely different.  Something that involved performance art.  And a silent film where some old guy has a baby, then feeds his baby a watch, and then the baby explodes into light, and then the old guy drinks vodka.  That shit totally happened.  I saw this silent film IN REAL LIFE and was unable to stop laughing.  The people sitting next to me did not appreciate my lack of appreciation.

There was a variety of openning acts, some confusing (see above) and some awesome.  April Smith and The Great Picture Show played one of the smaller lounges in Symphony Hall and they were awesome.  So awesome that I wanted to have my picture taken with them, but I chickened out and just took a picture in front of their equipment while they were on break:

Side Note: Please excuse all the blurry photos.  We weren’t supposed to use our flash and neither Ben nor I could figure out how to take a non-blurry photo without a flash.  We finally broke the rules and took this photo from our seats:

This was also not appreciated.

I will say that the evening was wonderful.  Great music, great people watching, and I got to kiss a hot piece of ass at midnight:

The end.

Unrelated note: I am a finalist in the 20sb Bootlegger Awards for Funniest Blogger.  BLOWS MY MIND!  For anyone who nominated me, I really appreciate it.  You guys are awesome, and it makes my day to see my name in the same category as Lilu, Maxie, Nicole, Matt and Cheryl.  Its an honor just being nominated, etc., etc.

Also, don’t forget to comment for a chance to win my super secret prize giveaway!  It may or may not include a crucifix, rosary beads, and some holy water.  Probably not though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey love muffins!

LiLu here. You may know me from my hot mess of a blog, “My Shit Don’t Stank, Okay, Actually, My Shit Might Stank A Little But It’s All Right Because It’s MINE So It Doesn’t Smell That Bad To Me. SUCKAS”.

Oh, I mean Livit, Luvit.

But that’s a great name for a blog, no? Don’t you steal it. I SEE YOU.

Anytwaddle, Jill Pilgrim asked me to blog-sit her corner of the interwebs while she’s gone. And let me tell you, it has been HELL.  First the little asshole of a blog colors in PERMANENT MS PAINT ALL OVER THE WALLS, then it invites Jesus over without telling me!!! and I’m all in my skivvies getting hot and heavy with some of Jill’s non-teeth pictures-

Oh. That got awkward.

For Jesus especially.

Moving on.

So I decided to take her blog for a walk, to let it get some air, yanno? Maybe tire it out a bit so it would stop bouncing off the walls and yelling four letter words at blue haired ladies out the window.

(Jill, I SWEAR I didn’t teach them that. You know me. Mouth of a nun.  On a nun? Or something.)

(Stopping the talking now.)

RIGHT. So, so we get all leashed up, me and Jill’s Blob, and it’s a good thing I had some practice at walking ferocious beasts on leashes last weekend because this bad boy was VICIOUS. Humping strangers’ legs, asking bums for crack… seriously, Jill, what exactly are you DOING to this blog when no one’s around? It was like an animal out there!

I decided to try and teach Jill’s Blob some manners, so I called in the expert, Cesar Millan. Only it was actually my boyfriend, B, but I swear you wouldn’t know the difference.

SEE?! Same diff.

So B came by and tried to teach Jill’s Blob a few simple lessons. You know, like, “Don’t make fun of Jesus” and “Stop being so damn funny all the time, it makes the rest of us look bad”. But would Jill’s Blob listen?! Noooooooooooooo. It just sniffed B’s crotch and peed on her Google Ads.

What’s the lesson we can all take away from this?

I have no idea. Ask your mom.

OH WAIT. You can’t…

Cause Jill’s Blob is busy banging her.

LiLu out!