The Pilgrim Congress

There are all sorts of things at which I excel.  For example, I can listen to a podcast and read a book simultaneously and retain nearly all of both.  Also, I give a stellar blow job.  These are just the highlights people, I have all manner of other talents in the valley between fellatio and [...]

Sometimes I think that having OCD is like having a super awesome special power.  Like Superman can fly (or something.  I don’t know, I’m a girl and not a virgin so superhero facts are not my forte), and Spiderman can like… eat flies or whatever.  Huh, I actually have no idea what Spiderman’s powers are [...]

So I’ve been watching Ally McBeal on Netflix and HOLY JESUS you guys this show is terrible.   While that may not seem like much of a revelation to you, I used to love this show when it first aired.  Granted I was like fourteen at the time and in love with Jonathan Taylor Thomas, so [...]

1.  Ask me, “So, when are you and Ben going to start a family?”
2.  Respond with, “You’re pregnant!” when I say, “I have good news!”
<insert eight other iterations of that same idea here>
Here’s the thing, asking a lady about her sex life?  That shit is inappropriate.  Asking people about their family plans?  That shit is [...]

But instead of three days it took fourteen months.  To be fair Jesus is kind of an overachiever, so don’t judge me too harshly.  I would love to give you an explanation for why I suddenly stopped posting, but I feel like that would be a little too easy.  Instead I’m going to provide a [...]

Oh Internet, I am so tired.  I no longer fear death, instead I would welcome it as an excuse for a long nap.  Let me be clear, I love the Philippines, it is not the Philippines that is making me feel suicidal.  It’s the business, as in business trip, as in,
“Hey Jill, you should totally [...]

Tomorrow I am leaving for Manila.  Tomorrow I will get up at an ungodly hour and drive to Logan airport and get on an airplane.  And then I will throw up and pray to Jesus.  And then throw up some more.  And pray again.  And then I’ll die.  I’m pretty sure this is the arc [...]

There is probably nothing I hate more than when someone forwards me some asinine email about crime rates, or people of Walmart, or a video of some kid dancing to some piece of music that makes my ears bleed.  Lets just all agree that the Internet is a truly awesome place, full of wonder and [...]

Funny story, my dad once got a letter from Stephen King’s lawyers informing my father that he was to cease and desist in sending mail to the author.  What precipitated this letter, you ask?  Well, my father thought it would be hilarious to send Mr. King a series of letters claiming that the ideas for [...]

If I were independently wealthy I would totally be a recluse.  I think I would be awesome at it.  I would be able to dedicate all of my time to cleaning and developing my neurosis.  I realize that most people dream of a life where they could easily afford to travel all the time and [...]