Wherein I Talk About My Mental Health. And Wolves. And Gymnastics.
Oh Internet, how long has it been since I updated you on the state of my mental health? Too long, you say. That’s what I thought.
Let me give you the haiku version first. Still crazy in head. Pharmaceuticals help some. Jesus Banana.
Now for the slightly longer, but still appropriate blog length, version:
I no longer see the sun. I leave for work and its dark. I come home from work and its dark. This is a problem as I require sunlight in order to function/remain not dangerously crazy. So, my body is rebelling. How? you ask. Well, its decided it no longer requires sleep. This is never a good sign. Not sleeping is a precursor to stabbing people totally legal activities. Another bad sign? Not eating. Of course not eating has another, less violent, side effect… sweet, sweet, weight loss. Primarily in my breasts. And there’s nothing a girl wants more than smaller breasts!
Here’s the thing about having an anxiety disorder, it sucks. I wake up with my heart pounding, my muscles cramped, my jaw sore from grinding my teeth. Lame. BUT, don’t despair for me, there is an upside! And here it is, I am so fucking productive when I’m anxious. Maybe productive isn’t the right word. What’s it called when you accomplish lots of shit that doesn’t actually need to be accomplished? That’s what I do when I’m in a particularly panicky state. Its truly scary. See, when a person wakes up in the middle of the night and is in the throes of a panic attack she will not be falling back to sleep for an extended period of time. Fact: There is nothing good on television at 2:00 in the morning. So, what is a girl to do? Well, obviously the logical thing is to read all sorts of obscure and random stuff so that she can shock her husband with her awesome useless knowledge. For example, today Ben and I had the following conversation:
Ben: How was your day?
Jill: Did you know that a coyote in Maine was found to be 89% wolf?
Ben: Huh. Okay.
Jill: And 22% of coyotes in Maine are part wolf?
Ben: Oh.
Jill: And 90% of Maine is forested?
Ben: Lets just say you know more about Maine than I do.
Jill: And wolves. And coyotes.
And then Ben cried because I am so much more awesome than he is. So, I made him this to cheer him up.
And that is why being crazy is awesome. Except for the smaller breasts. You can’t win them all.
My pink leotard looks awesome. Your breasts are not smaller
I just checked.
I hear you on the “no sunlight makes Hope all stabby stabby” business. I take Vitamin D supplements. They seem to help… Now I only fantasize about stabbing SOME of the people who cut me off in traffic!
When anxiety used to wake me up in the middle of the night, I used to play Tetris Attack. For hours and hours and hours. Not quite as enlightening. But better than infomercials!
productive, that’s what you are dear. and for reals? you can never too informed about canids… you have to be on your guard lest they try something sneaky.
Seriously, someone once asked me how I keep my classroom so RIDICULOUSLY clean, and I explained my magical mixture of OCD and anxiety disorder. They asked if I wanted meds and I LOUDLY explained that I wouldn’t get ANYTHING done if I didn’t have my “special helpers.”
I cry because of your awesome too! so I felt justified in sharing the feeling better with Ben. Also that ass flex he did almost made me strait again.
I hate commenting here because it always makes me feel like I’m in sucky Math class with that spam protection question, but I had to say that I totally understand what you mean about the no Sun thing causing the crazies.
Heh. I love that video.
I’m crazy and I have big boobs. And in the middle of a mild panic attack hence it being 215 am and I’m WIDE AWAKE.
I miss you and love you.
I don’t know. Your boobs in that video look good to me.
Now Ben’s, on the other hand…
Lol I can relate to the bad side effects of having a job that denies you sunlight during a large part of the year!!!! I’m a big ol’ mess, except I’m the opposite and need loads of extra sleep cos my body just pisses out any tiny bit of energy I get, so I get NOTHING done, as opposed to your getting LOTS done! *sigh*
You need the sun in order to function? Hmmm…I think I’ve diagnosed your problem. You’re either part plant, or part sundial.
In case you need a little advice about how NOT to cure Seasonal Affective Disorder: http://www.portlandmercury.com/gyrobase/what-is-seasonal-affective-disorder-sad/Content?oid=36516
The ceaseless darkness makes me tight-chested and panicky too, although sadly neither my boobs nor any other part of me is getting any smaller.
I hate it that the boobs are the first thing to go and the last thing to grow. WTF tits? It’s like they are little bitches. But I’d say your boobs look pretty nice in that JibJab video. Nice and perky!
that information would clearly be useful to biologists in maine, im sure lots of them are lurking around your blog. they’ll probably start citing you in their research so keep an eye out for incoming links.
I was just asking the Hubs when do we get to Spring Forward because it’s been like creepy dark. Also, that video just made my day, Thanks!
Those videos are so creepy, but I love them.
I teared up a bit on the Haiku. Especially the last line. You just…have a way with words.
…here I go crying again.
Jesus Banana.
I’m with Katie. The jesus banana part was great. But is that a banana that looks like jesus or a spanish banana or should it be jesus, banana… like the banana is stressing you out?
please clarify.
There’s something so wrong, yet so right about that video! ONE of my favorite parts…is you doing the running man at the end. Classic.
those of us with anxiety disorders would be great on jeopardy!
Dangggggggggg, Ben can really work a ribbon!
Meh. Bigger boobs are overrated anyway. I wish when I lose weight my boobs would shrink. But, like you said, we can’t win them all.
oh wow, that is so awesome I snotted on myself!