International Business Trip
I have a real job that is not blogging related. That real job is sending me to the Manila. In the Philippines. In Asia. And I have so much to say about it, but since I don’t blog about work I’ll just say in March expect some super awesome international blogging. Primarily about sexy Asian ladies. And maybe delicious ice cream. Possibly together for my submission to Penthouse.
So, in lieu of actually talking about why I’m going to Manila, I’m going to talk about how horribly and embarrassingly frightened I am of the flight over there. First some back story:
I hate flying.
Additional back story:
I come from a long line of flight phobics, by which I mean my father hates flying. He’s been on a plane once and he tried to make them land halfway through the flight and he had to be sedated. True story. As a result of my father’s phobia we never took family vacations that involved flying. I didn’t get on a plane for the first time until after college. And it was horrible. Not only for me but for the poor bastard that got stuck next to me on the plane.
Picture this, a 22 year old Jill gets on a plane in Logan headed to Chicago. She is trying to look as normal as possible despite the fact that she is having a giant panic attack. Coming down the center aisle is a rather attractive young man. The following is running through my head (writing in the third person about myself is too hard):
Dearest Jesus, do not let this guy sit next to me. There is a 99% chance I am going to throw up and I don’t want to do it in front of this guy. Please Jesus. I will sacrifice a million virgins to you. And several goats. And possibly some kittens. Whatever you’re into. Just don’t let this guy sit next to me.
And then that dude sat next to me. And I cursed Jesus and vowed to spend my days making derisive Paint images of Him.
The guy sitting next to me was really nice. Probably because he had no idea that I was about to lose my shit all over him.
So, the plane takes off and the meltdown begins. It is epic. It is me, head between my knees, crying, and praying very loudly. My poor seat neighbor is horrified. He looks over at me and asks, in a rather frightened tone, if I’m going to be okay. I respond, no. He asks if I want to hold his hand. So, I do. This is a bad idea. You know how on cheesy sitcoms there is always this particular scene when a woman is giving birth? The one where the woman is clenching her husband’s hand so tightly that she is about to break his fingers? I did that. In real life. To a stranger. And I wasn’t even pregnant.
Subsequent flights have not been much better. And I’m pretty nervous/morbidly curious to see how the 20 hours in the air goes. If I don’t die it will be a success. I’m setting the bar pretty high.
Side Note: I generally do better when I fly with Ben. Because Ben is an airline pilot. Seriously. I married an airline pilot. The irony is not lost on me. Or maybe it is. I’m not entirely sure what irony means.
Its ok honey. After almost 15 years of flying I do the same thing before every flight. Its totally normal and nothing to worry about
In all reality, our trip will be awesome!
Oh my! This is too good!
And is that your hubby who’s left the first comment?
You guys are perfect together! I know it and I’ve been reading your blog for what? 2 weeks now…
I have no pertinent advice to give as I am not terrified of flying. My Mom though kind of is. And she squeezes my hand too. That’s why I ask for separate seats when we’re flying together.
I’m assuming sedation is out of the question, right?
I kid, I kid
Oh cool! I’ve been there too. I don’t like long flights because I have high anxiety. I didn’t sleep the entire time in the air, but that’s mainly because a giant tv was in my face the entire time. The flight was fine though (except when Lady in The Water played back to back, that was terrible) and being up in the air so long actually helped ease the anxiety.
I suggest drugs and/or alcohol.
Oh, Alexandra, you innocent young thing, of COURSE sedation is an option. It is no laughing matter my dear
Pilgrim, sedate away. Sleep is the escape of the wicked. So, you qualify.
I would be scared too, if I was you.
You know those planes that go to the Philippines are always going down.
Just trying to help.
Sounds like Ben is going with, so that’s good!
Just think about all the movies you can watch. That was my favorite thing about my one and only international flight. Movies!!!
Woah… you might want to take something before you fly. My FIRST ever flight was from Bangor to London, with a layover in Detriot. It was HORRIBLE
The answer is clearly drugs.
Not, like, illicit street drugs, but, like, you know, legal drugs that you can take on airplanes.
Obviously.
Wait.
So, mile high club or what? Jesus, woman. Get to the point!
Yeah dude, medication is the way to go, I think.
Also? IM SO JEALOUS OF YOUR JOB! Mine never sends me anywhere.
One word: Xanax (and lots of it!)
I’m great at being a nervous wreck myself AND have made that trip by myself, but it’ll be cool! Really! Or not. There’s always Ambien with you conked out for the whole time. (Sleep is my only way of surviving.) Just avoid the CR form. And if you’re going to the Philippines, I’d… be sure to have your anxiety meds ready for the driving, there. Scares the crap out of me every time, and I suspect my sister isn’t the only one who manages to compound her bold, lawless driving with texting and watching TV on her phone while at the wheel. After all, who else can get hit BY A STATIONARY BUS.
Come think of it, this probably isn’t helping at all.
Sorry? Bon voyage?
Maybe you can take some sedatives or something? My co-worker has the same problem as you and always is drugged up before she even gets on the plane and before she even knows it they’ve landed.
The good news is there will probably be movies galore for you to try to keep occupied with since it’s such a long flight. I hope it works out! You will have a blast!
Drugs. Take drugs and pass out. But also? Walk around every few hours, otherwise your feet get really swollen and you can get blood clots. Not to freak you out any worse or anything.
The only way I survived the trip to Nepal was booze. Copious amounts of booze.
I love flying. I’ll share a little bit if you want.
Of my Klonopin, that is. Works wonders.
Oh no! Just stock up on sedatives before you leave…or focus on how awesome the trip will be once you get there.
My first flight was from Dallas to Frankfurt…26 hours…I was 19 and okay until we hit major turbulence over the Atlantic. I’m pretty sure I choked and killed the lady next to me in a fit of panic.
I’ve been flying since I was something like 2 weeks old (being born an island that is NOT the island where your parents live means lots of flights) and I always loved it until a couple years ago. Suddenly I’ve started getting a little panicky at the littlest bump and, even though I’m not Catholic anymore, I end up saying Our Father 100 times in a row to calm down.
My suggestion is Xanax. Or, like LiLu said, Klonopin. Something. My mom has started having flight anxiety too, and her doctor will prescribe her just enough of a sedative to get through it. I foresee myself going that route soon.
i’m sorry, lover. i like to fly for the most part, it’s just that whole sitting in the middle between people i don’t know thing that gets me. bleh. good luck, fingers crossed and get some drugs. mmmm, drugs. jesus wants you to have drugs.
Take some Tylenol PM or something of that nature to help put you to sleep.
I used to be terrified of flying and then I had to play over an ocean a few times and now, I just don’t give a fuck anymore. So maybe, just maybe, flying over an ocean will help calm your fears?
Marrying an airline pilot is definitely ironic. GL w your trip though!!!!!!!
WHEN are you gone? I can practically feel it in my loins that it’s going to be when I’m visiting boston. WOMAN, when are we supposed to bone if you leave the country?
“If I don’t die it will be a success. I’m setting the bar pretty high.” – Awesome. Just found you through the 20Something Blogger awards page – looking forward to more posts and I hope you survived the flight.
Dannnnnnnnnng, I thought I was bad cuz I have to get boozed up! Ah ha ha. I highly suggest that for your Manilla flight. SO exciting lady!
The fact that Ben is a pilot makes your life even more interesting!!!
How nice was that guy to offer you his hand though!!!!!!!!
I’m not a BRILLIANT flyer myself but I can now take consolation in the fact that someone out there is FAR WORSE than I am…
Oh…just found your blog! Will you be my best friend? I’m Jill too! And I hate flying too!
Ok, THAT is ironic!
Yeah, you need to get your hands on some freakin’ Dramamine! It helps with motion sickness, and makes you super drowsy. I take it and pass out right after I sit in my seat!
~Jenn
PS, Yes… let’s make out. Now.