I Broke My Back. True Story.
My back is broken. Well, my sacrum. Not my entire back. Like I can still walk and stuff. I’ve gotten ahead of myself, lets back up a bit.
Monday morning, I take Coco out for a walk before I leave for the office. The stairs are icy and I slip and fall. On my brick stairs. It is very graceful and looks something like this:
Upon reaching the bottom of my stairs I realize something is very wrong. The first indication is my inability to get up. Second red flag is the uncontrolled crying. Unfortunately Ben is on a trip, so I am alone. Well, not alone, Coco is there. But my misfortune continues since Coco doesn’t know how to drive or call a hospital.
After what seems like hours of being curled up in the fetal position on the ice, crying, I am finally able to get up. I’m all, “Jill, walk it off. You’re fine.” And I take my own advice, finish walking Coco, continue crying, bring her back inside, more crying, and leave for work, while crying.
Note: In retrospect, its now clear to me that I was seriously injured. At the time, I think the pain had made me irrational.
Now, I am driving to work. And the pain is unbearable. In 20 degree weather, I am driving with all of my windows down because I am feeling like I am about to pass out and/or throw up. At this point, I have decided that I need to get to the hospital. I am on a mission. A simple, yet important mission. Remain conscious long enough to get to the hospital. Well, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED BITCHES!
I walk into the ER, or rather hobble into the ER. Lots of crying. And swearing. At Jesus. The homeless gentleman in the waiting room is looking at me nervously, clearly afraid of what the crazy lady is about to do next. Needless to say, I am promptly brought to an exam room, if for no other reason than to put the other patients in the waiting room more at ease. Crying, crying, crying. X-rays. Broken sacrum diagnosis.
Here’s the thing, you may not know this, but I’m pretty hardcore. A couple of years ago, I broke my ankle and walked on it for a week before finally going to the hospital. My doctor at the time told me that there was no way it was broken because I had been walking on it. In heels. Four inch heels. Quick x-ray later, totally broken.
Being a total hardcore badass, I not only turned down the shot of morphine offered at the hospital, I also refused a prescription for narcotic pain killers. Mostly because they make me feel nauseous and I hate throwing up. Like I will gladly take the pain of a broken sacrum over the soul-killing experience that is vomiting. So, for the last week, I’ve been popping a combo of Tylenol and Motrin. All while trying to avoid dying.
While at mass this weekend, please remember to tell Jesus about how happy it would make you if my back was better. And now a photo essay explaining how I currently feel.
Jill, you are an amazing trooper! I’ll bet the brick staircase cried more than you did over the whole incident. I love you and hope you heal soon!
You are definitely a hard core badass. Look! You’re even dressed. If I broke my back, itd be pajamas for a month. (Or however long it takes to heal)
Dude you ARE hardcore. Wow! Glad you’re okay though, feel better!
That sounds like a serious pain in the ass.
You ARE so a badass tiger with a broken tail.
You know what this means?
No anal for 6 weeks.
Get well soon.
Wow, that’s a lot of cliche butt jokes. Even for me.
Just to let you know…one of the guy rules is that, if you have to go to the hospital, you will drive yourself there, unless you are unconscious.
When I went in to get that bastard gall bladder of mine ripped out (and to remove the stone wedged in my bile duct), my wife drove me. I tried to drive myself, but she slugged me in the gut to make me double over and almost black out in pain.
So, what I’m saying is, you’re more of a man than I am. And I pee standing up.
I also look fabulous in green-and-white striped shirts. Just saying.
I don’t even know what a sacrum is but the name reminds me of testicles.
Back testicles?
I don’t know. I guess it’s the whole “sac” thing.
Heh heh, I just went to your sacrum link there, and guess what the sacrum is attached to?
The coccyx.
AHAHA get it? GET IT?
If JC and I were on better terms, I would totally try to cash in a favor.
P.S. I have the SAME EXACT heating pad. What are the chances? I mean, clearly the company only made two — one for you and one for me.
Urgh I’m sorry about sacrum. I’m literally cringing as I read your deets. So sorry, people should start sending you care packages. Does booze help? Or not?
Ps. Love your jc pics.
Hi Jill, so sorry to hear about your back.
You are a total badass for turning down those meds. As someone with a super low tolerance for pain, I’d be heavily medicated. 
GET WELL SOON!!!
AHH! That’s crazy!
“Well, not alone, Coco is there. But my misfortune continues since Coco doesn’t know how to drive or call a hospital.”
Clearly, Coco needs to be trained to learn how to do these things for the future.
Good luck and I hope you heal quickly!
Oh Dear Lord… you are a trooper! Hope you feel better soon!
P.S. I had something super witty to say, and then your “spam protection” made me do MATH… and yeah, I got frustrated and forgot what I was going to say… Sorry!
You know it’s bad when you are scaring the homeless.
In the past couple years, I have fallen in and out of my shower and also broke my toe while living alone. Perhaps we both need to invest in life alert bracelets!
I know how you feel about the narcotic pain killers. They knock me clean out. I blew my knee out in a hockey tournament in Canada and border patrol tossed all of our gear because they couldn’t wake me from pain killer induced coma. Hope you feel better soon!
Morphine shots are a gift from baby jesus, woman!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Seriously though, I’m so glad my lil love muffin is ok!! I miss your face.
Whoa. You are hardcore. Stupid brick stairs.
FINALLY, someone who understands my fear and loathing of vomiting… like I will do anything and everything to avoid it. People tell me that if I just let myself puke, I’d feel better. Bollocks. Its all a conspiracy to kill my soul.
Get better pretty Pilgrim lady!!
xoxo J
“I hate throwing up. Like I will gladly take the pain of a broken sacrum over the soul-killing experience that is vomiting.”
This is exactly how I feel about throwing up. I will do ANYTHING to keep it from happening.
Feel better soon!
dude if tht shiz had happened to me i’d probably still be on the floor till someone came to rescue me.
hope you get better soon:)
I looked at your drawing and was all, like, ‘why the fuck are you walking a cat?’ Then figured you deserved to get your sac of rum broken because people shouldn’t walk cats.
Then I realized that it was just an awful sketch of a dog, brought on, apparently, by the mix of Tylenol and Motrin.
Now I feel bad about the whole ‘you deserved it’ thing.
This is how I say ‘hope you feel better.’ It’s a gift, really.
Yikes! So glad you are ok. I had a dream last night that I broke my foot. Totally not real and so no real pain, but I really feel like I can relate b/c of it. Yeah. Not really. Sorry.
You have a broken back and you look so pretty in those photos! How do you do it? Also, I will say that I’m a big fan of pain killers (when in pain), but I had a really awful side effect to an injection once (106 fever, bad), so I don’t blame you for turning that down!!
The dog doesn’t even look guilty. WTF?
Hope you heal quickly.
Wow. That is very hardcore of you, taking all those over the counters so as not to throw up (I feel the same way about vomiting, btw).
And walking in heels when your ankle is broken? You’re like a saint! Don’t worry. I’ll put in a good word with Jesus for you.
AGREED with Ari, hope you fell beter soon miss!
Oh Jill, owwwwwww. I hope you’re feeling better! And no meds? Crazy talk!
Omg, that’s terrible! And why are we always alone when things like that happen! Also kudos on not killing anyone while driving to the hospital in a near-passing-out state!
On a boring note, that same thing happened to my old Biology Teacher ….who was a nun ….so apparently Jesus doesn’t play favourites!
When Jesus laugh’s you know it’s awesome. I hope you feel better soon.
I can’t believe your broke your back! WHAT THE EFF!
I hope you feel better soon!!!!!
Terrible… *Hugs*
my butt hurts just thinking about this… one time i was rollerblading for the first time and i went down this totally manageable hill (lie) and i almost died by breaking my butt bone. it was awful. in other news, i’m a story topper. i’m sorry you’re hurty. kisses! and feel better hugs! and you’re a cute tiger.
O…M…G! I am so sorry that happened! But I have to ask… how the hell can you still look so hot while laying on the couch when your back is broken?? I don’t get it. What’s your secret?
Sorry you are going thru that. Here is a brief reenactment of what occurred last time to the hospital:
Me: “MORPHINE!!!!”
Strange Man: “Umm… I was just holding the door open for you crazy lady”
Me: “MORPHINE!!!!”
Registration Nurse: “umm… you are going to have to tell me your name first”
Me: “MORPHINE!!!!”
Nurse: “umm… did you hurt yourself?”
Me: “MORPHINE!!!!”
Doctor: “we can’t give you morphine for strep throat.”
Me: “MORPHINE!!!!”
feel better!
Yikes! I fell down our front steps once. The only thing I hurt was my pride. Feel better soon!
When I am done wincing- really, really hard for you- I will absolutely pray for you. Actually, can I just twitter that at Jesus? I’m pretty sure he has my tweets sent directly to his cell.
It is a little known fact how sad tigers really are on the inside.
You most certainly are a badass. I hope your healing goes as quickly as possible.
Psst… you have a li’l blog award waiting for you on my blog…
Dude. Do you have a child somewhere that you’ve been hiding from us? Perhaps a child who steps on cracks????
(feel better, lady.)
Oh you poor thing. And being alone too. Owweee. I hope feel better soon.
oh darling. i hope you feel better soon.
my bff steph and i were discussing the other day how when we hurt ourselves we usually get more pissed at the inanimate object that hurt us. example: i banged my head getting into the car and i proceeded to cuss out the car. and maybe punch the dash all “YOU SONOFABITCHING CAR! YOU HURT ME YOU RAT BASTARD.”
it makes me feel better. steph too. try it. go give those stairs and that ice the ol’ what for.
oh no! I am so sorry Jill! I hope you get better ASAP!!
You are so hardcore. I’m so sorry- I hope you get better soon!
Hope you feel better minor-cripple-lady
Started reading your blog again after an absence. Still as great as ever! Lots of love for the Christmas season
xx
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