Coming To You From Beyond The Grave
First off, I am not dead.
Secondly, I did not quit blogging.
Thirdly, your emails? They touched me. Inappropriately. They made me take my top off and they touched me. It was very uplifting.
On to your questions:
Jill Pilgrim, why did you stop posting?
Short prison sentence. Which may or may not be related to the male prostitute ring that I was running. And those prostitutes may or may not have dressed as bananas, koala bears, and hamburgers.
Did Ben finally escape from the basement and exact his revenge?
No, Ben is still safely chained to the radiator.
But, no, seriously, what happened?
Two words. Legal action. One more word. Landlord. Three last words. Nervous fucking breakdown.
You may remember that I moved recently. You may also remember that shortly after moving Ben and I discovered that our place was infested with bats. And mice. And red squirrels. Oh, and there’s arsenic in the water. Three times the legal limit.
So um, yeah. Not good. Not good at all. Its been a crazy few weeks. Weeks filled with me making public scenes <- Seriously. There was the time that I accosted my landlord, chasing her into another tenant’s apartment. She was trying to escape me. Because I was screaming at her about the water. And, um, I had a video camera. <- That shit totally happened.
And there was the time that we had a tenant meeting. And I brought a tape recorder and yelled a lot. And then my tape recorder was taken away by my landlord’s husband. Who is also her lawyer. He put my tape recorder in the freezer. <- No, really. That shit totally happened. In real life. He couldn’t figure out how to turn my tape recorder off, and he didn’t trust me to turn it off, so he put it in the freezer.
So many water tests, health inspectors, exterminators, lawyers, and tears later, its finally over. Our landlord officially, in writing, released us from our lease yesterday. And it was GLORIOUS.
So, um, I’m back. Hopefully I have not been kicked out of your reader. In order to win back your trust and to show you that I’m serious about making this work, I’m going suggest we go to couple’s counseling. At my church. Where Jesus lives.
As I just said to Jill… there will be tons of material that starts with “So this one time my Landlord started to cry when I ….”
I am so proud of her handling the situation like a champ! If I wasn’t chained to the radiator all day eating rats I would be have been able to help. She’s awesome, I love you honey!
YAY, you’re back! Wow, what an ordeal you’ve had. I’m smelling a Hollywood screenplay. You will be played by…I don’t know, take your pick from your MyHeritage collages. So glad you’re back
Well I’m so glad you got out of the lease, although that’s horrible that you had to deal with all that. That’s not right at all!
Glad to see ya back again!
Oh god. That sounds horrendous. Way to rally and pull through!
i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.
and i really missed you.
and i’m RIDICULOUSLY proud of you for fightin your way out of that one — that landlord is ridiculous.
Yay! You’re back! I’m so glad to hear that everything worked out!!
Who the FUCK is your Landlord?!
Morticia Addams?!?!
I stuck with you the whole way. Honest. I just didn’t write because I know what a bunch of pervs my emails can be.
oh man…someone’s had a hell of a time recently.
glad you won though
and your landlord? man, what a piece of work she is. and her husband…wow. they were made for each other.
a freezer. really. well, he gets points for being creative, i suppose…although, the arsenic in the water may have made him slightly delusional.
either way, i’m glad you’re back.
The fuck.
You don’t say.
Well, I was moving during your ordeal. aaaaand i had a public meltdown at brighthouse networks local office. yeah. tears. hitching breath. the whole thing. so i get it. i truly get it.
so glad you are back though. now, where are you going next?
OMG, I’ve been wondering where you went… Jesus H. And arsenic?? Seriously??? Doesn’t that violate like 127 health codes and laws?? Glad you got out of that one. Craziness.
Jeez!
So, most importantly, did you get your camera back and when do we see the footage overlaid with your pithy commentary?
Glad you won. Glad you’re back.
*sobs tears of joy* YOU’RE ALIVE!
Oh Jill Pilgrim, I’ve missed you! I’m terribly distraught about the craziness you’ve been through with your psycho tape-recorder-stealing landlord… but I have to ask (Re:bats)–was she batman? Batman has bats in his house, you know. Because that could have been cool.
Except for all the crazy poison water and squirrels part.
P.s. I NEVER remember the spam protection on the first try! Ugh.
You chased your landlord into someone elses home!?!? Holy crap, I am in awe of you! You are the queen! I bow before you!
sounds atrocious but also sounds like you did an awesome job handling the situation. kudos for that
Awww, glad you’re back!
Checking in everyday to see if you weren’t gone for good… thankfully… NOT!
oh my jilly! i have MISSED YOU, my love. and my math skills have gotten even WORSE since i did not have your little spam protection thing to remind me every day that i cannot add 2 digit numbers.
wah.
also, your landlord is a BOX.
that’s montana speak for box.
I didn’t send you an e-mail but I sent you a subliminal message. Did you get it? Think 1 for yes, 2 for no.
You being back makes my life. So much so that my dog just farted, and I’m gagging, but still commenting on this instead of stopping, because I know I’ll forget.
If that doesn’t say Love, then I don’t know what does.
Holy crap you went through some major crap! Glad to hear it all (finally) worked out! …and yay, you’re back!
Oh. My. God. Good for you, making scenes in public!!! Way to stand up to shithead landlords. Critters and arsenic … unbelievable.
My favorite part is that the guy put your recorder in the freezer b/c he couldn’t figure out how to turn it off. Aren’t lawyers supposed to be smart or something. Um. Yeah. Pretty sure no one should ever hire him.
Glad to hear you are finally done w/ all that shit though. That does not sound fun. Like, at all.
How awful! But I assume this means you have to move again!?! Wretched.
all of that sounds like torture!!
Duuuuuuuuuuude… you seriously have some drama with that place THANK JESUS you are moving! And your email to me made me pee with excitement. Totally.
Welcome back! Also that’s crazy about the arsenic. Effing crazy.
Sounds terrible but thanks for posting so that we know you are still alive
I’m sad about the horribleness, but happy you’re back and still alive!
So yeah, I just came to your blog to randomly click on links to help make you and Ben rich and I learned that you’re probably moving. If you need help moving, I don’t have one of those “job” thingies, so I can totally come down there and help move. You guys could also just move in with Alisha and I . . . we have no bats, or arsenic . . . or income . . . so yeah, also the commute from Maine to your work shouldn’t be too bad.
Some specialists state that home loans aid people to live their own way, just because they can feel free to buy needed things. Moreover, various banks offer collateral loan for different classes of people.
If you are willing to buy a car, you will have to get the credit loans. Furthermore, my father commonly takes a credit loan, which occurs to be the most reliable.
upgutycn
uegmzfko
sopflcpk http://qvkaap.com/ skwpex [url=http://uognfo.com/]skwpex[/url]
wrehhw http://lcwibc.com/ ciocpsdq [url=http://dghywh.com/]ciocpsdq[/url]
krsxnjsv kamagra :-O clomid >:-[ cialis YNUpeF viagra aUQNWK accutane NCRPaS propecia >:]]
dfvvwt ordering sildenafil 1730 clomid Onxhz cheap cialis >:-[ accutane euEKqs kamagra LUwnlr propecia 8943
zenvnkf depakote puBqY
nejtooe indocin oacJt
aqjokxgv cefixime JvHpf