And Now Comes The Time When I Finally Get My Revenge On The Turkeys
Happy Thanksgiving Americans!! This is my favorite holiday. Why? Many reasons, allow me to elaborate:
- I Hate Turkeys. I live in New Hampshire, and in case you weren’t aware, New Hampshire is overrun with turkeys. Also, in case you weren’t aware, turkeys are assholes. They chase small children. They also surround my Jeep and force me to call my boss to explain that I’m going to be a little late to work because my car is surrounded by turkeys.
- I Love My In-laws. I have the nicest in-laws ever. So nice, that even when I told my father in-law that anyone who believes in Intelligent Design is mentally handicapped, he continued to be sweet to me. Even though he apparently believes in Intelligent Design. Oops.
- I Am a Pilgrim. Thanksgiving is the one day a year that I can dress in full pilgrim regalia without it seeming strange. Oddly enough, people seem a little put off when I throw on my pilgrim gear on the occasional Tuesday. Close minded assholes.
- I EnjoyEating. A lot. I’m especially fond of carbs. Carbs in the form of pecan pie and various potato products. On Thanksgiving my goal is to eat until I almost throw up. Like super close, but not actually sick. Its a bit of a gamble, but I like the danger.
- I Have Much To Be Thankful For. My life is pretty awesome. Sure, I have a crazy family, but I also have an awesome husband. A very attractive husband. Who loves me. And who (whom? no idea. i think its whom.) I love. And Ben has these new boxers that he looks delicious in, and really that’s all that I need to make me happy. So thank you Jesus for creating the Earth, and America, and boxer briefs, and penises.
Okay turkeys DO sound kinda mean. Hmmm. I guess they have it coming then.
Happy Thanksgiving Pilgrim!
I am thankful for you, friend. And I like the similar vomit gamble—I mean, I don’t want to get *too* close, but you know…I want to enjoy. Hope it’s lovely and that you enjoy the dead turkey. xo
Turkeys totally ARE assholes. The ones behind my driveway like to stand on my car too. Nasty, ugly inconsiderate things they are.
And I bet you can totally rock the pilgrim gear. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, dude. Turkeys are super scary. I had so many traumatic instances with turkeys when I was staying with this family in Mexico. But I probably deserved it. My sister and I would yell HABBBLGOBBBBLEGOBBBLE at them all the time (it sounds like them) to tease them and they would fan out their feathers and chase us.
Turkeys are big, yo.
Yeah, but imagine if they were ostriches and not turkeys? Man that would suck. I could win a fight against a turkey. Up against an ostrich I think I would just lay down and wait to die.
Did you hear? Rolling Stone said for the first time ever more Americans are in favor of the legalization of marijuana than people who believe in Creationism. The mentally handicapped are waning!!
Dude, I had no idea that New Hampshire was overrun with the asshole bird! Another good reason to stay out of that section of New England…
Also, you’re right: it is “whom.” The best way to check is to switch around the sentence and see whether “he” or “him” would be more appropriate. Then, whenever “he” would be appropriate, you use “who,” and whenever “him” is right, you use “whom.” Like in this case, “And who/m I love” switches around to “And I love him,” so you know that whom is right. Does that make sense?
The more you know.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Aww honey…You are so sweet! Thanks for shoving my head up a turkey’s ass and taking a picture of it, I love Thanksgiving too!
Turkey’s are indeed assholes, and hopefully my Dad tells the story(again) about the first Thanksgiving him and my mom spent together when they raised their own Turkeys. Surprisingly, it wasn’t their last Thanksgiving together as well
You’re the greatest pilgrim ever, and I love you!
LMFAO Dude, LOVE Turkeys!! But only to eat. I never met one personally. Which makes it easier for me to stick the carcass in the oven I assure you. Which is why we only eat Turkey, and Chicken in this house. Cause pigs and cows are so cute that whenever I try to eat one I cry and my stomach revolts in protest. I am a pussy like that. *sigh* On another note? I love to eat on thanksgiving SOOO much that its only 3 of us (my hubby and monkey) and I am cooking a 21 lb turkey, candied yams, green bean casserole, corn, cheesy mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, a homemade pumpkin pie and a pumpkin cake. NomNomNom
I’ve never dealt with turkeys, other than eating them… (and I definitely prefer them over chicken..)
but I’ve seen a man-sized swan… and well… my brother’s dealt with a guard goose… … I don’t really like or trust most birds.
…anyway…
Happy Thanksgiving!
invite me for a turkey dinner please. lol. I love being invited to thanksgiving dinners by my american friends here. Although they told me even with their best try at cooking, they still wont taste as good as the thanksgiving dishes “back home”. I WANT.:P
I’m dressing up like a Turkey and coming up to New England to meet up with you. You’ll know it’s me because I’ll be sitting on your jeep dressed in paper bags colored with sidewalk chalk.
Happy belated thanksgiving to the only celebrity pilgrim in america. you are my fave, babe.
How about turkeys in boxers?
best list ever! happy late thanksgiving, lady! i hope you achieved the fine line between puking a being satiated. mmmmmm, tuuuurkey!
I’m also a big fan of the “eating until you’re so close to puking you can almost taste it but then you don’t actually puke because you’re an insanely awesome eating rockstar” game. Maybe I should reserve this game for Thanksgiving though? Hmmm, ideas.
“Surrounded by turkeys” has to be the single greatest excuse in the history of ever for being late to work.
rats. i was really hoping we’d get a picture of you in your pilgrim regalia. or at least your artistic rendering of such.
Since you hate them…don’t you love drenching their delicious meat in gravy and chowing down? And how come we didn’t get a pic of you in your Pilgrim attire???