Jill’s Blob Is A Dirty, Dirty Whore
So, I have a confession. I want to BE LiLu when I grow up. Not only is Liv It Luv It hilarious, but its also totally inappropriate! Just how I like it! I started reading LiLu before I started blogging and she has always been one of my favorites. Like, if you don’t like Liv It Luv It, we can’t be friends. And Jesus hates you.
Also, don’t forget to comment for a chance to win my super secret prize giveaway! It may or may not include a crucifix, rosary beads, and some holy water. Probably not though.
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Hey love muffins!
LiLu here. You may know me from my hot mess of a blog, “My Shit Don’t Stank, Okay, Actually, My Shit Might Stank A Little But It’s All Right Because It’s MINE So It Doesn’t Smell That Bad To Me. SUCKAS”.
Oh, I mean Livit, Luvit.
But that’s a great name for a blog, no? Don’t you steal it. I SEE YOU.
Anytwaddle, Jill Pilgrim asked me to blog-sit her corner of the interwebs while she’s gone. And let me tell you, it has been HELL. First the little asshole of a blog colors in PERMANENT MS PAINT ALL OVER THE WALLS, then it invites Jesus over without telling me!!! and I’m all in my skivvies getting hot and heavy with some of Jill’s non-teeth pictures-
Oh. That got awkward.
For Jesus especially.
Moving on.
So I decided to take her blog for a walk, to let it get some air, yanno? Maybe tire it out a bit so it would stop bouncing off the walls and yelling four letter words at blue haired ladies out the window.
(Jill, I SWEAR I didn’t teach them that. You know me. Mouth of a nun. On a nun? Or something.)
(Stopping the talking now.)
RIGHT. So, so we get all leashed up, me and Jill’s Blob, and it’s a good thing I had some practice at walking ferocious beasts on leashes last weekend because this bad boy was VICIOUS. Humping strangers’ legs, asking bums for crack… seriously, Jill, what exactly are you DOING to this blog when no one’s around? It was like an animal out there!
I decided to try and teach Jill’s Blob some manners, so I called in the expert, Cesar Millan. Only it was actually my boyfriend, B, but I swear you wouldn’t know the difference.
SEE?! Same diff.
So B came by and tried to teach Jill’s Blob a few simple lessons. You know, like, “Don’t make fun of Jesus” and “Stop being so damn funny all the time, it makes the rest of us look bad”. But would Jill’s Blob listen?! Noooooooooooooo. It just sniffed B’s crotch and peed on her Google Ads.
What’s the lesson we can all take away from this?
I have no idea. Ask your mom.
OH WAIT. You can’t…
Cause Jill’s Blob is busy banging her.
LiLu out!
[...] Check it out. [...]
If I read the tags through quickly, it kinda says “I want to giveaway my first inappropriate lesbian experience with LiLu to Jesus”.
No? Just me?
xoxo
Not just you Lilu!
Awesome guest-post! You always make me laugh!
Remind me never to trust you with the Funny Pages.
All I had to do was hire B to do a Caesar Milan impression to tame my blog?
What. The fuck.
Seriously…what the Hell am I supposed to do with all this Pupperoni?!?
Nevermind…found something.
My sphincter smells like jerky.
I feel violated just reading this!! Haha but regardless, that was hilarious!
@ carissa-I *wish* to be violated while reading this.
*I need the ability to use italics while commenting.
I totally have a girl crush on ya Lilu! Oh…to be 20 something again. This 30s shit is for the freaking birds!
cesar/B should totally add that to his resume: Will restrain and retrain your blobs
So, if I wanna be Jill Pilgrim when I grow up, and she wants to be Lilu…does that mean I have to want to be Lilu? Because I’m ok with that. Lilu, you are bent, cracked and certifiable, and that makes me want to hump your leg. Ya know..until…oh,oh, OHMYGOD!!!…er…ah…never mind. We don’t want MORE awkwardness here, do we?
::smokes cigarette::
Somtimes, you need to take your panties off to air the girlie bits. Maybe her blob needs that, too.
Oh damn. Lilu is funny no matter where she decides to write…and B is a GREAT sport.
Love their faces!!! Muah!
I think Jesus would approve this blog post. And, fortunately for me, I think LiLu is awesome, so Jesus doesn’t hate me.
I think Jill’s blob needs a little Benadryl Kool-aid to calm it down a little. And it was lovely of Jill to leave all us readers in the hands of such a capable blob-sitter…who is dating Cesar Millan.
Obviously you didn’t go to religion class (lol)
Hahahaha….This was hilarious. B is awesome too.
Hi
I love your posts!!
Love & Best Wishes,
RKCharron
xoxo
Hahaha, I LOVE Lilu. Have fun on your trip Jill!
OME It sounds just like him. My dog winced and crossed it’s legs. I had to tell her no that bad Cesar is no where around.
Please tell me you have seen the Ceasar episode of South Park. Please? I love B’s imitation of him. Perfect!
Ha, this is great. And B’s Cesar was top notch!
fucking awesome.
ahahhaha the closing is spectacularrr!:D
fun fun guest post!! always so funny!!
beaser… the new dog taming SENSATION!
Love you blog. It’s awesome i figured i would post this that way i could kill two birds with one stone. I love both livit luvit and pilgrim congress keep up the good work !
one more thing is it a bad thing that i have to think about the spam protection question for a second. Plus i also messed my website up last time and my name links to something that totally isn’t mine. so i fixed that as well lol
hahahahaha, even if your name wasn’t written on this post, I would have known it came from you.. it has the Lilu trademark written all over it.
LOL nice post.
Better the second time.
That’s what she said.
i think everyone in the world should know this lady.
seriously.
she’s a dirty, awesome, hooker…and i want to be her when i grow up, too.
I think you may be insane.
And I totally don’t mind one bit…
HILARIOUS!
This is a hilarious post that suitably ended with hilariously bizarre tags XD
What a perfectly appropriate tag.
do they bottle your funny and ship it out cos seriously i want some of your funny:)
great post as always chica
I knew I smelled something…then I saw where the blob peed on the Google ads…that’s ok, Google totally deservd it…
I feel like I’ve been assaulted, led to believe it was a misunderstanding, and then assaulted again.
Holy effing hilariousness.
I love you both sooo much.
Jill, I love your blog. It is so freaking hilarious. Here’s an award for you. Check it out at http://whatswrongwithmommy.blogspot.com/2009/10/yay-i-got-me-award-j-lovely-mrs.html
omg. way funny.
i was doing ok hiding my laughter here at work. then i read “If I read the tags through quickly, it kinda says “I want to giveaway my first inappropriate lesbian experience with LiLu to Jesus”.
No? Just me?”
LMFAO.
oh. so. funny.
LMFAO!! Dude, I just peed myself. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!