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becky is so good at back rubs that if jesus were to give back rubs he would have to take lessons from becky because she’s better than jesus at back rubs

You all are super lucky today.  Why?  Because today you get a totally kick ass TMIT post from my good friend Beckeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of mylittlebecky.com.  Um, Becky is fucking hilarious.   When I first began blogging Becky was one of my first readers, and she quickly became one of my favorite bloggers.  I’m kind of in love with her.  And her dogs.  If only I could get rid of Chuck…

Also, don’t forget to comment in order to be entered into the drawing for my inaugural giveaway.  Its totally better than putting your penis in Andy Dick’s mouth!

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eeenal

it’s a little intimidating to talk about the anal sex. but then i was like, jill’s talked about it on here. and then i realized that no, no she didn’t. she talked about OTHER people’s anal sex. much different. much, much.

so, anal sex, kids! at the becky household, we’re fond of back rubs. when we first started “going out,” (is that what the kids are calling it these days? going out? kids?) we did a lot of back rubs. we still do, for the right “price.” ahem. so i got the brilliant idea to get chuck massage oil for a holiday. xmas? i think? it seemed like a really great idea. a thoughtful idea. a totally sweet and lovely girlfriendy thing to do for my boyfriendy. fyi: i’m the best girlfriend in the world. true story. chuck told me so and he’s right about everything.

at that time he was still talking to an old girlfriend quite a lot, his girlfriend from high school. they don’t talk as much or as often now, but they’re obviously on good terms. and he obviously told her everything about everything. she even told him a period related story about a period related cup. one of those “cervix” cups that apparently are shitty because it spilled blood all over jackie. (they’re not like other cups that may or may not have been discussed and loved by becky. cough, cough.)

perfect.

so, i bought him the massage oil a few months into our relationship. he told jackie about it. he then relayed the conversation and the implications she had laid on him. she had, allegedly, implied that by buying oil i wanted sex. of the anal variety. she had told him that if a girl bought that, then she wanted to have things shoved in things.

he thought it was hysterical and intriguing at the same time. like, “ha, ha, ha… anal sex?” i’m going use a chiefy inspired *record scratch noise* right here.

i don’t know if i told you. (i did) but i was completely unintroduced to the ways of the male species. i didn’t know nothing about nothing. we had certainly been sexing. a lot. and it was awesome. obviously. i mean, like you were wondering if it was awesome. you knew it was awesome because, well, obviously. i was part of it. and i am awesome at everything. including sexing. in fact, i might kill the person i’m sexing if i don’t dial it back a notch. i have to be careful. with my huge penis because i’m *that* good.

there we were, oil everywhere. everyone’s back was all relaxed. there was one muscle that wasn’t relaxed, however. mr peepers was all excited by the BACK MASSAGE oil’s slipperiness. the sheer, erotic nature of the back rub got him aaaaaall excited.

one thing led to another and yadda, yadda, yadda. places were touched. places were violated. places were orgasmed. and someone fulfilled a lifelong dream of one little boy.

and that’s the time. that becky bought massage oils, implied she was a butt whore and chuck made an oily hand print on the wall, forevermore.

you can blame this altogether to much information on the lovely and talented lilu. read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)

October 8th, 2009 | Tags: , , , , | Category: Guest Bloggers | Comments are closed
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