Who Knew There Was Such A Large Market For Smurf Porn?
Go and check out Lilu’s site for more information on the TMI Thursday tradition. Essentially, you write a post in which you give too much information. You do this on Thursday. See how that works?
Do you live with roommates? Would you like to make your current living situation unbearably awkward? Great! I can help! Just follow these easy steps below, and soon you will be wishing you lived in a cardboard box on the side of the road because that would be totally preferable to staying in your apartment.
Step 1: Walk into your apartment.
Step 2: Hear the sounds of cartoons coming from your very nerdy, very asexual roommate’s bedroom.
Step 3: Walk into bedroom without knocking (this step is critical).
Step 4: Discover your very nerdy, very asexual roommate masturbating to CARTOON PORN!
Step 5: Stand in place, unable to move.
Step 6: Make strange gurgling noise, while locked in eye contact with roommate, who incidentally is still holding his penis.
Step 7: Repeat Step 6 until brain function returns.
Step 8: Mutter apology
Step 9: Stagger out of room like a shooting victim.
Step 10: Never look at Papa Smurf the same again.
And that, kids, is how you manage to turn your perfectly acceptable apartment into a place where you feel dirty, even in the shower. Especially in the shower. Because Jesus only knows what he’s doing in there with your novelty rubber ducky.
Note: So, um, I sort of googled “smurf porn” to see if I could locate the particular piece of erotica that my roommate was pleasuring himself to, but instead I found something even more awesome. Please note that this link is very not safe for work, but it is fucking hilarious. Four words: live action smurf porn. You’re welcome.
I’M UPSET! I’M UPSET! I’M UPSET!
Run, Vanity Smurf! Run!
Thank you for this tip.
My Saturday mornings will never be the same.
[...] Jill Pilgrim’s Who Knew There Was Such A Large Market For Smurf Porn? [...]
I DO live with a bunch of “roommates”, and I would totally like to live alone…at least for awhile. Thanks for the tips! Also, we used to call my uncle, Uncle Smurf, because he used to sing the Smurf song, or something. I forget. It might be awkward the next time I see him.
Because I’m at work, I have not clicked that link, but I’m going to thank you ahead of time for taking one for the team on this one and finding the link. Also, thank you for giving me something to do this evening (checking out the link, not masturbating to Smurf porn).
Ummmmm…. I think I shall preserve my happy Smurf memories and not click that link, but I do take your word for it. I had a friend that was into Anime porn and, well, Sailor Moon was ruined for me. haha
Oh my God. Well, I can’t say I ever liked Smurfs all that much in the first place, but now?? Now they’re damaged for life.
Aw, what a gyp… the blue is starting to rub off…
I’ve seen weirder stuff. But yeah, live action of your favourite hentai is always a bit creepy.
Oh my holy hell…did you ever talk about it again? Is there a way to even do that?
I am so tempted to click on that link anyway… come on, lunch hour!
P.S. I also mentioned Smurf porn yesterday. I forget where. But I’m pretty sure this means we’re soul mates. FTW!
Oh my goodness, runnnnnn..
I had a bf who was super cute, but not super bright. He used to call me “Brainy Smurf.” Now I’m wondering if he called me that for “other” reasons!
Wow… just WOW! I never thought about sexual smurfs… but seriously, Gargamael and Smurfette… Papa Smurf was expected, but the other? No way… Thanks for scarring me for life Jill. I shall NEVER EVER watch the smurfs again. I don’t care how bad the girls want to!
What? No stick figures to illustrate?
I suppose it could have been worse if your roommate had been wearing a little white hat. Because, really, what a story about catching your roommate masturbating to Smurf porn needs is to be made worse, right? That’s the kind of shit that requires locking a door, or propping a chair under the knob, or pushing a dresser in front of the darn thing…anything to spare poor unsuspecting roomies.
Whoa. I’ve heard of cartoon porn before but I didn’t think the cartoon porn was of actual cartoons like the Smurfs. I just figured it was naked ladies and gents doing the nasty (although to be honest I’ve never really looked into it). But. Wow. Smurfette probably gets gang banged since she’s the only female in that bunch. Lucky girl.
i’m totally doing this tonight. what do you think dogs masturbate to? in other news, that link? does NOT contain cartoons! it contains retina scaring PEOPLE! blue colored people. who are doing things! aaaaaah!
That’s smurftastic!!
HAHHAAAAA I love it. Totally made my morning
AND, you’re welcome for the song!
I think something in my brain just broke. :p
*Jaw Drops* OMG…that’s just wrong. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if my roommate masturbated to Call of Duty…He spends enough time with it!
you totally have to turn the filters off on Google to get stuff like that….but thank you…thank you very much for the loverly link…I am so fucking creeped out right now….its WAS blue, and then it wasn’t….ok jebus…
Oh lordy. How terrible. But hilarious!
Happy TMI Thursday!!
I clicked on the link.
At work…
REBEL.
I’m pretty sure there are no words to describe how I felt reading that. And for this reason I have to go. K, bye.
I wasn’t allowed to watch the smurfs. How weird is that? And my parents aren’t crazy jesus freaks. But looks like they were right….
Also? Can we talk tonight? Or tomorrow night? Or both? And possibly makeout?
I can’t even bring myself to click on the link……but I will once I get home from work : )
WOW. i do not think i can top that story. i’ve had the displeasure of living with roommates and have experienced many a bad scenario as a result (including ending up at the van nuys courthouse with a cunt rag roommate from college), but no cartoon masturbation stories that i can recall. horrors. that one was a doozy, and i’ll have to look at that link when i get home!
Ummm. Wow. That’s all.
LOL smurf porn, there goes my innocent lil smurf memories *shudder* i remember looking at the simpson porny pictures
not cool i tell ya
what was the lone girl smurfs name?
yeah, she was a whore.
Whahahaheeheehee…
My dogs are looking at me funny now!
Step6 & repeat!!!
i don’t even know what to say to this!
i didn’t think crap like that existed.
that, my friend, was tmi for you and for us.
i think you’re my hero for still living with him after that.
Holy uncomfortableness!
I’ve seen a bit of “Fritz the Cat.” Even cartoon cats having hardcore sex isn’t as weird as Papa Smurf yelling “who’s your smurfy NOW, BITCH!”
Oh, and Jill? I’m not seeing NEAR enough of you over at my usual stomping ground these days and I won’t STAND FOR IT! I miss you.
Please enjoy this cartoon music video.
Lick my ass, bitch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_qtZszMzoI&feature=fvw
I still have no words, so I will just say in my girliest voice. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
If it were Hentai I guess I would understand. But really? Smurfs? And lawl at the live action. That’s like the Warcraft porn that was released recently. Don’t ask me why I know about these things.
Also? I did not know that smurfs were spanish.
Holy crap. And I thought it was awkward to be using the computer when you hear the rapid “ee-ee-eee” of the horrible futon that’s seperated from your head by a mere half-inch of pretend-wall….and have to sneak around the none-door-having room….and man….that’s ….whoa. I mean. Wow. If you have any stuffed animals….keep them under lock-and-key!
Oh dear god that is HILARIOUS!! How did you ever talk to each other again?!?! Wow.
Quick story. I worked in Harrisburg, PA during the week and was only home in Pittsburgh on the weekends. My Project Manager let me take a rare Friday off after I had moved in with my best friend. When I got home, he was at work, but all over the living room was enough porn DVD’s to outfit the U.S. Army fighting in Iraq, for at least a year. Some of it was “normal”, some bizarre, some I won’t even begin to describe because I fear the F.B.I. or some shit would show up at my door to question me about “interspecies erotica”. BAM! Clerks 2 reference.
um… WOW.
… had no clue there was live action smurf porn… but I did know about toon porn.. a lot of it is incest… only admitting to know this through ads on other, non-toon sites…
I’m still waiting for ALF porn… you know that his alien cock is going into something!
OK, when Papa Smurf walked up I lost my shit. I too was expecting cartoons. NOT blue humans. Surpriiiiiiiise!