The Pilgrim Congress

Hey would you like to know where I live?  For stalking purposes or otherwise?  Well, let me tell you then.  I live in a little state called New Hampshire.  Otherwise known as the LIVE FREE OR DIE state.  No, seriously, that’s our motto.  We’re pretty fucking awesome up here.

New Hampshire enjoys about 3.2 miles of Atlantic coastline, and the area surrounding that coastline is known as the Seacoast.  I live in the Seacoast.  Why am I telling you this?  I have a point, I swear.

Up until a year and a half ago, I had always lived in Massachusetts.  In cities, in Massachusetts.  Cities, with things like subways and street lights.  The convenience was unbeatable.  

But now I live in New Hampshire, where I don’t pay taxes, and I buy my liquor from the state , and I don’t have to wear a motorcycle helmet should I choose not to.

Those were fun facts, right?  Let me share some more insights about New Hampshire living with you. 

1.)    Seriously, no sidewalks.  New Hampshire doesn’t even know what a pedestrian is, and it does not feel the need to accommodate them.

2.)    Sometimes I get up in the morning and go outside to get in my car, but my car is surrounded by turkeys.  Aggressive turkeys.

3.)    I drive down this one street regularly to get to the highway.  I often have to stop my car for chickens.  That are crossing the road.  To get to the other side.  Seriously.

4.)    In my town center?  A fruit and real estate store.  Fruit. And. Real. Estate.

5.)    There is this gas station in the western part of the state, where my in laws live, and you know what they sell?  Moose drooping earrings.  Jewelry made from moose shit.

6.)    Remember how I mentioned that I don’t pay taxes?  No state income tax, no sales tax?  Guess what that means?  No money for things like “plowing the highway.”  In the winter, its every man for himself.

7.)    In New Hampshire you can wear a gun strapped to your leg, outside of a presidential town hall meeting and that’s totally kosher. 

8.)    I have learned that “LIVE FREE OR DIE” is an appropriate response to any and all political discussions.  Gun control?  “LIVE FREE OR DIE!”  Universal healthcare?  “LIVE FREE OR DIE!”  Kittens for the homeless? “LIVE FREE OR DIE!”

9.)    I have also learned that “live free or die” is my most favorite thing to say.  Ever.   

In closing?  New Hampshire is awesome and you should live here.  We’ll be best friends.  It will be the balls.

P.S.  It turns out I actually didn’t have a point, but here’s a drawing instead.