The Number One Reason You Should Not Put A Used Dildo In Your Mouth
Go and check out Lilu’s site for more information on the TMI Thursday tradition. Essentially, you write a post in which you give too much information. You do this on Thursday. See how that works?
Most disturbing post ever. In the history of existence. You’ve been warned.
When I was in college the fraternities were in the practice of trying to woo potential pledges with various outings and activities. One of the most popular activities involved having a couple of strippers over to the frat house to give an intimate show for the brothers and the would-be-pledges. During my junior year I was lucky enough to attend one of these shows and what I saw? It haunts me to this day.
So it all starts out fairly normally, 2 girls, wearing skimpy costumes slowly disrobe to music. In the middle of a frat house dining room. Just your average Tuesday. After the girls get naked, they start doing lap dances for some of the guys. Still kosher. Then the girls take out the whip cream, to apply to their nipples of course! So that 18 year old freshman can try not to blow their load as they lick it off! Okay, I can get down with that I guess. Then the strippers try to get the girls involved. It went a little something like this:
Stripper: Okay ladies, your turn!
Girls in the audience: Looking dubious
Stripper: Who is going to volunteer to help us?
Drunkest girl in the audience (not me): I will!
Stripper: Okay, I need you to lie down here, points to floor in the middle of the circle of frat guys, and open your mouth.
Drunkest girl in the audience (seriously not me): Okay!
Stripper: Retrieves something from her bag of tricks, Now I need you to hold this in your mouth.
Lets pause here for a moment. That something? A dildo. And not a new dildo, like just some dildo taken out of a gym bag by a stripper who dances at frats, and looks like she maybe hasn’t showered in the last three days. Okay, back to our story.
Drunkest girl in the audience: Sure!
At this point the stripper puts the clearly used dildo in the chick’s mouth- like the balls end in her mouth, the penis part perpendicular to drunk girl’s face. Then, the stripper? She sits on it. WITH HER ASS. She does not insert this dildo, being supported by another girl’s mouth, in her vagina. She puts it in her ass. It looks like this:
Then, the stripper pooped a little in the drunk girl’s mouth. Accidentally, I’m pretty sure.
It was a literal shit show.
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn’t put a stripper’s used dildo in your mouth and let her sit on it. Because she will most likely poop in your mouth. And there’s probably poop on the dildo now that I’m really thinking about it. So, stripper + used dildo + your mouth = poop in your mouth.
[...] Jill Pilgrim’s The Number One Reason You Should Not Put A Used Dildo In Your Mouth [...]
Oh em gee. This is my first time here. I am horried but so ridiculously impressed with your TMI Thursday participation. Way to go girl.
OMG!!! Hahaha…So, were the potential pledges impressed? “I’m going to join this fraternity. They throw some really shitty parties!”
and now i’ve thrown up TWICE today! thank you for that. good show!
oh
my
god
i mean i’ve seen that done with the vagina insertion, but the BUTT?!?! oh dear lord.
That may very well be the grossest thing I’ve ever read.
I am suddenly reminded of Zach and Miri Make a Porno…
Mb- Thank you! I hope I didn’t scare you and you come back again!
Brooke- Hahaha, the potential pledges had most likely never even seen a vagina in real life before, so I’me sure they were terrified.
Becky- I aim to please!
Alexa- Dude! Seriously! And it realy has to make you wonder about the sheer elasticity of her asshole. Like how did it just go in there so smoothly? So many questions!
LiLu- I am very excited to know that I have created the grossest ever TMIT post! Though, I really think your War Paint post rivals for the top spot. I have yet to see Zach & Miri Make a Porno, but if it reminds you of this post maybe I don’t want to see it. I have seen more than enough stripper anal leakage for a lifetime.
“So, stripper + used dildo + your mouth = poop in your mouth.”
Well, it IS a logical equation.
Holy shit, woman…what the hell kind of story are you gonna tell next week?
Oh EW!!!!
That’s disgusting, but as always, I couldn’t stop reading.
I think this is my favorite TMI ever. Nice.
Holy shit. I was not prepared for that, but really…how does one get prepared for that. AMAZING. Best TMI ever. Poor little shit head sorority girl. I went to fashion school with a bunch of bitches and gay guys, so I missed out on this kind of fun!!!!
Wow. This even beats my husband’s “stripper who can blow out matches with her vag but then something hit me in the face” story of days gone by.
Pilgrim Jill! This is TERRIBLE! Question. Was there poop on the rest of her face???
Wow, I can’t believe you got such a clear photo of it!
That is the greatest story ever…I have to store this in the drunk part of my brain so the next time I go out srink I can start with a slurry, “I know this chick, that went to this party…”
Sweet.
Faith- I think next week I will share an even more disturbing post also involving poop and sex (but not me).
Taylor- High five!!!
Elizabeth Marie- I went to a school that was predominately male and really into the Greek system, so I have waaaay too many TMI stories related to frat houses.
Terri- I may have to ask Marty to write a little guest post for me for an upcoming TMI Thursday post. Think he’s game?
Jenni- It was like a tiny amount of poopy anal leakage, but there was definitely a little on her facial region. :vomit:
Stephanie- Please pass the story on! It will live foever through word of mouth, like tales of yore.
You are not a pilgrim you’re a pioneer.
I’m literally gagging. How can you possibly be that drunk? Ahhhhhhhhhh. I must go hurl now.
Holy.hell.no.
I’d have gone to jail that night, because I’d have given that trick a serious beatdown.
How effin’ drunk can you be to allow someone to put a nasty ass dildo in your mouth? Then let them sit on it? Then put it in their ass? Then…
Holy.hell.no.
But, that was the awesomest TMI!
Alyx- that is totally going to be my new tag line!
Kristin- I’m so sorry. I should have warned that this story was more effective than ipecac at inducing vomiting.
Zandria- I am so with you. After hours of throwing up I would have had to hurt that stripper. And how could the stripper go on living knowing that she leaked anal business into another person’s mouth?!
Very Zack and Miri. Wow.
I never really knew that there was the need for this kind of list but I’m sure you saved some drunk girl (definitely not me) from doing this. Really this was like community service. In other news my boss walked by and saw me gag a little as I read this. He’s now looking up your blog- none of us get any work done around here.
Is it bad that I don’t feel even a little bad for that girl? Because really, if you are sober enough to respond to questions posed to a group with moderate topical accuracy (and thusly volunteer)you are sober enough to understand how terrible an idea that all is.
Thank you for scarring me for life, Pioneer Jill. In the best/worst possible way. I know it’s already been said, but mad impressive photo woman. You’re so artsy.
Layda- That is awesome! I hope your boss wasn’t too frightened by what he found…
Dani- I have to agree. If you are stupid enough to put a used stripper’s dildo in your mouth for the purpose of her sitting on it, then you probably deserve a little poo in your mouth.
Sophie- Its so nice to have my artistic skills recognized. I’m basically a genius.
This is the best TMI story EVER!! I laughed so hard I snorted. I’m totally sharing this.
Marty is sooooo not a writer, but I could ghost write it for him. He loves telling that disgusting story!
seriously…I may never sleep again. The horror.
Pam- Thank you!!! I am so excited to hear that this tale will now be told by others. Pretty soon it will be an urban legend- The Stripper Who Poops On Your Mouth. Parents will tell children this story to discourage them from a)being strippers, b) letting strippers do stuff to them. Glory be!
Terri- No, seriously! Please write the story up for me and I’ll post it on an upcoming Thursday (with credit to you), as long as that’s cool with you and your loverly husband.
Summer- I know the feeling. Every time I close my eyes I relive it. Thank Jesus and The Virgin for xanax.
I’m glad you drew the picture because I was having a hard time picturing it.
EW.
I might be in the Faroes but I saw the title of this one and figured I just HAD to give it more than a brief glance.
Wow…
What was the drunk girl’s reaction…?
Seriously, why didn’t I go to college?
I really wish there was a video of this. Or some pictures. Regardless, it’s still an unbelievably ridiculous story. Kind of reminded me of that last scene in Requiem For A Dream. You know, “ASS TO ASS, ASS TO ASS!”
Good movie.
I think I’m going to have to get in on this TMI Thursday jig, I’ve got some fascinating fecal forays I could share.
Sebastian- Her reaction was incredibly underwhelming, either due to a) a love of feces in her mouth, or b) incredible sloppy drunkenness. I’m guessing it was the latter? Probably. Her boyfriend (who was a total jackass in his own right) turned about 30 shades of red while dragging the seemingly unperturbed drunk chick from the dining room, while all the brothers freaked the fuck out. The stripper seemed pretty nonchalant about the whole thing too. It was a tad surreal.
Asif- Dude, you must do TMI Thursday! I am very excited (and frightened) to see what you would share.
Seriously…not cool. That’s atrocious.
Sounds like the sort of thing I’d witness, so I’m still a fan of the blog
Phew! As long as you’re still a fan!
Of course it’s ok! You know we have few boundaries.
I don’t know which makes me sadder: the horrific idiocy of drunk college girls or the fact that I have a similar story?