Its Hard Being A Lady
Here’s the thing, I had plans to post today all about my weekend and all my super fun good times. But instead I am currently in the fetal position on my couch crying. Its pretty hard to type from here actually. Maybe you’re asking what’s wrong? Um, well… nothing. Except I have ovaries and a uterus. And I get kind of emotional around the end of the month. And then I cry. And eventually I pull it together, but then a commercial for puppy food comes on and I cry again. Because puppies are so cute. And cute stuff makes me cry. As does uncute stuff. And breathing. And the fact that I exist and breathe. Its a pretty scary time. Needless to say Ben had to leave for a supposed ”business trip” today, though I suspect he just wanted to escape from the scary crying lady who recently moved into his house. You know what I did after he left? Cried.
Long story short, my funny weekend recap is not to be. Here in its stead is a not so funny, but rather pretty factual weekend recap.
Friday: Worked late at the office. Night in with The Husband. No crying yet.
Saturday: Went to the animal shelter. Crying begins. Ben quietly ushers me out of the animal shelter. Go to the county fair. Meet up with friends. Have fun. Go back to friend’s house. Play in Slip n’ Slide. Eat dinner. Have cake. Go home. Minimal crying. The Husband reassures me of his continuing love despite all of the running mascara.
Sunday: Crying. Crying. Eat breakfast while crying. Iron husband’s shirt for his trip, get out wrinkles but create tear stains. Walk Ben to the door and cry. Say a tear-soaked goodbye. Come back to couch, assume fetal position, and cry. Write this post while making my keyboard wet with salty, salty lady tears.
So kids, that’s where we are today. I am incapable of being witty or amusing at the moment due to severe dehydration and hormonal overload. Please hug me and tell me its all going to be okay. And also? Tell me that the older dog I saw at the animal shelter yesterday will definitely be adopted by someone who has enough space for a big dog and will not in fact be euthanized. Or justify for me why its okay to go and adopt the gigantic older dog despite the fact that I don’t have enough space for it, and also that Ben may join me in the crying if he comes home to this dog. In return for your support, here’s a picture:
“Also? I am an ovary.”
Laughed so hard. Sorry about the crying, yo. I am the same way.
That is one fine looking ovary! Your art just keeps getting better and better. I cry randomly too when I’m hormonal, and I’m hormonal now. Gah! Now the dog is making me sad. HE WILL BE ADOPTED!
I baked a whole pan of brownies today because my overies told me too…I also ate a lot of them. Men will never understand. I love your stick figure! haha.
Amy- I’m glad I could make you laugh through the tears
Brooke- Why, thank you!! I’m glad to know that my art is getting even better!! And yes, the dog MUST BE ADOPTED.
Jennee- Brownies! This is what I need today! You have given me a wonderful idea.
that sucks! the thing i hate the most is when i’m like, “why is the world trying to kill me? why can’t i stop crying?” and then i say, “ooooooh.” ovaries are bastards. bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
in conclusion, have some ice cream with your brownies.
“Iron husband’s shirt for his trip, get out wrinkles but create tear stains.”
You make me laugh so hard I cry. I fucking HATE my baby makers! I get the same way and pms + animal shelters…ummm are you trying to jump off a bridge? I wish I was closer, I’d bring you ice cream and percocet and my special lemonade (not for the kids) and you’d be feeling better quick.
P.S. I think your art should be submitted to a gallery or a museum or something. In a million years people are going to be talking about “Jill” and killing each other over an original piece.
Becky- Your description of ovaries could not be more accurate. I took your advice and ate a little ice cream. I’m starting to come around.
Elizabeth Marie- I wish you lived closer! I would make you bring me ice cream and watch old movies with me while I quiz you about the best way to apply liquid eyeliner. Basically, you should move to New England.
Dude, going to an animal shelter at that time of the month is so masochistic. Why do you do this to yourself!? Also? You are a master of Paint. I’m now crying because my mac doesn’t have paint, even though my ovaries are cool right now. See what you did there? You moved me to tears.
Do you know that your ovaries look suspiciously like the state of Washington? Just saying, that’s all I could think of when I saw the drawing.
Also, why aren’t you drinking away your sorrows? I’m hormonal and bipolar WITHOUT PMS. So I drink. Excessively.
Soph- Seriously?! What the fuck was I thinking??? Also, the fact that I moved you to tears, moved me to tears. Want to hug it out?
Asif- My ovaries do look a bit like Washington state. Think I should be concerned about that? And sir, there really is no excuse for not drinking. Just pure laziness on my part (as I would have to leave the house and go to the liquor store, boo!).
WOW! are you an ovary scientist? it’s just so realistic!
I love the ovaries because they take all of the blame for everything. Even though its really your unfertilized egg. COME ON JILL. Don’t you remember health class? No? Me either. I really just learned about this crap from Google.
I love the picture of the ovary, and I’m sorry you’re all with the crying! I hope that you’re at least indulging in a rapid intake of chocolate to balance things out. <3
I think your ovary is looking more like South Dakota than Washington, sorry to break it to you. Please don’t cry.
Aw, Jill. I love your ovary doodles! You are always funny & lovely, even when you aren’t trying and are semi-miserable. Well done.
One of ex-boyfriends recently wrote me with, “Liz, I like your blog a lot.” Me: “Aw, thanks, a lot of my humor was fine-tuned during our relationship!” Him: “Yeah, that’s what’s so cute about your blog. You think you are funny but you aren’t. Really, it’s cute.” Me: “…..Fucker.”
Hope you are feeling better this evening.
Aw. Crying is so good for the soul sometimes! It gets so darn annoying though when the tears are going every which way while sobbing, “I don’t know why-y-y I’m cry-y-ing.” except for the one evil reason you mentioned of course.
yep. you and i are meant to be friends. i get quite sobby around this time of the month also. in fact, i heard the song puff the magic dragon at work on friday and cried. because IT IS DAMN SAD that Jackie Paper had to grow up and PUFF HAD NO FRIENDS. having no friends SUCKS and it is something worth crying about, GODDAMMIT.
i also get a little moody. so there’s that.
hugs and hot jacuzzi tubs (works, i promise)-
raeleighjo
Aww…It will be okay and he will be adopted and all will be good(ish) and right with the world in a few days. In the mean time, last week in a similar state of mess I attempted to look into selling my ovaries on craigslist. If I find anything useful out, i’ll pass it on to you.
miss.chief- I am an ovary scientist! Thank you for noticing!
Katie- What are you? Some kind of genius? You are totally blowing my mind with your Google info! Damn unfertilized egg!
Kyla- 1.) How excited am I that you came to my little site over here? Very! As I am in love with your blog! 2.) Yes, much chocolate was had. My hips are not going to be happy next week.
Liz- Hahaha- that’s hilarious! I think your blog is too funny, so I second your “Fucker.”
Pink Sun Drops- I do that too! Sometimes you just have to let it out. All over your husband’s shirt. As he slowly backs away, frightened.
Raeleigh- Clearly we are meant to be friends as we also share a love of hot tubs! Cures all that ails you!
Dani- Please pass on any useful ovary selling infomation as I am very ready to give these bad boys up.
Work with your chemicals. Make a list of everything that feels good when you are rocking the hormone surge, and post it on your fridge, mirror, under your bed where you hide…
Then indulge yourself in like, the black and white Greta Garbo movie Camille while cuddled up to comfy blanky and a bowl of chocolate covered chocolate and just weep. It feels sooo goood to let it out.
And then come back to us
The dog WILL be adopted. I bet there’s tons of other hormonal women out there begging their husbands to take him home. One of them’s bound to give in.
*hug* by the way. Ovaries suck. Except when you draw them on paint. Then they’re hilarious!
If you don’t adopt him then someone else will. You make me wanna cry….
Alyx- I freaking love Greta Garbo- awesome suggestion!
Taylor- I really hope that dog was adopted. And thank you for the hug! I had the freaking longest day and totally needed that.
Stephanie- Don’t cry! Come here, I’ll hold you and make it all better. Is that creepy? Because that’s what I was aiming for…
I swear to the baby jeebus I would cut them out if I could. If only we could put them on ice until we NEED them…
did you say play in slip n’ slide? we are destined to be best friends as slid n’ slide is one of my favorite past times!
also, hope you feel better.
xo
“Also, I am an ovary”… perfect! Lol!
Sorry to hear about it though… hope it goes away soon… well, you know, til it comes back again. Siiiigh.
Ohhhhhhhhhh, let’s have a PMS party. The hubs is currently enjoying my emotional roller coaster. Good times.
LiLu- I agree, that was a serious design flaw in the female body. We really should have detachable ovaries. Hear that Jesus?! Design flaw!
Alexa- We ARE destined to be best friends! We could have slip n’ slide parties and talk about how awesome Greek people are!
Ari- That, my dear, is the exact issue. The crying stops, but only for about 25 days and then it resumes. Oh, how I wish for the sweet release of menopause!
Kristin- I wonder if my PMS would be more enjoyable if I really did throw a party once a month. Not like a fun party, but more like a party where I have my friends over so they can watch me cry while I yell at them about every perceived wrong they have ever done to me. Maybe “party” isn’t the right word…
How the fuck am I only just now seeing this? As it is Tuesday, I hope the ovaries are starting to BACK the FUCK off of you, and leave you alone. Or at least that you might’ve gotten some alcohol and brownies by now, and are feeling medicated by their presence in your tummy.
Ok, being a chick sucks, but would I want to have to deal with random pop-up boners whenever I get turned on if I were a dude? This question has haunted me ever since I got my period, no joke.
AWwww… I hope that you’re crying has officially ended. I had a little session tonight too!
Faith- You are wise, my friend. I have never considered this pop-up boner question. I will have to consider it and get back to you with my answer.
Reeder- The crying is officially over for me. Until next month. I hope you’re feeling better too! :hugs:
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