The Pilgrim Congress

Oh, is that not how you celebrate that its the weekend?  Just me?  Well then…

Onto the business!  What to do this weekend?  Various events for your enjoyment:

• DeCordova’s Art in the Park Festival, Lincoln, MA: I have a secret to tell you, but you have to promise not to judge me too harshly.  I often begin sentences with the following phrase:  I was listening to NPR the other day and…  I am totally one of those people.  When I touch myself inappropriately I’m not fantasizing about David Beckham, I’m fantasizing about Carl Kassell.  Now you’re wondering what the hell my NPR-centric masturbatory fantasies have to do with the DeCordova Museum’s Art Festival?  Well, WBUR (Boston’s NPR affiliate) is one of the sponsors of this event.  Therefore this event has instant credibility in my mind.  I am so easily impressed.  I will be there with bells on (but no underwear!).
• Santa Mamba at The Rhode Island Museum of Art, Providence, RI:  I guess I’m on a museum jag this week, but don’t be alarmed because you can totally get wasted at this museum event.  Woohoo- TOTALLY APPROPRIATE!  Here’s the gist of the event:  music+art+cocktails+hor’d ourves=awesome.  Its math, you can’t argue with it.
• Artist’s and Friend’s Potluck Dinner at The Brattleboro Museum and Art Center, Brattleboro, VT: I figured, fuck it, I’ve got a theme going now.  Its Art Museum Weekend!  How excited are you?  Little hint for the people with penises reading this:  girls love artists and men who appreciate art.  Take my word for it, I used to sleep with any guy at the mention of the ICA.  I surprised many an unsuspecting tourist just looking for directions to the new location.  Oh, Single Me!  You were such a tramp!  Anywho, back to this event, its actually a pretty cool idea, bring an entree, go to the museum (which is providing drinks and dessert) and meet other artists, art groupies, or art aficionados.  And get laid.  Probably.  Well almost definitely if you join me in the no underwear on the weekends thing.
• Conneticut Open House Day, Statewide, CT:  Dude, this is AWESOME!  All over the state museums are not charging admission fees, there are a ton of free events, Connecticut is on to something!  Free is my favorite word, right after Jesus.  And rigmarole.  And juxtapose.  Free- its like my fourth favorite word and CT is all over it.
• Currier Museum of Art, Manchester, NH:  Jesus and sex jokes aside, this is an incredibly gorgeous museum and there is free admission on Saturday mornings.  The end.
• Il Divo, Movies at the Museum at The Portland Museum, Portland, ME:   Want to learn something else about me?  Something even more nerdy and pretentious than being an NPR fanatic?  I secretly love foreign films.  GOD, its so SHAMEFUL!  Its really a wonder I’m not still a virgin.  But, seriously, this looks like a really interesting movie.  A movie you could recount in lengthy detail to your (less sophisticated) significant other to help them fall asleep.  I am totally going to see this movie (with my glasses, but still no underwear).  True story.

Now go forth and enjoy your weekend!