How the Internet Changed My Life, a Love Story
You may have just read that title and thought, “Christ All Mighty, she’s going to tell some sappy story about how she met her husband on an internet dating site.” But you, my friend, would be very wrong. For the record, I met my husband at a bar, the way Jesus intended it. This post here is actually about… wait for it… keep waiting… ready? MY INTERNET FRIENDS!!!
That’s right world! I have friends. Friends from the Internet. I am rather proud. So please, have a seat, gather round, and let me tell you a wonderful love story starring me and 26 delicious ladies.
It all began with a little website you may, or may not have heard of: The Knot aka The Bitchiest Wedding Planning Site In The History Of The Internet. When I first became engaged, I turned to my trusty friend, The Internet, to tell me what the fuck to do in order to make this wedding business happen. I was promptly directed to The Knot, and more specifically to The Knot message boards.
Lets pause here for a moment. I truly want to give The Knot message boards their propers and really illustrate accurately what these boards were all about. An average exchange would go something like this:
randombride: I’m looking for some suggestions on how to best do a candy buffet for my reception.
brideusa: Ugh, if I see another candy buffet at a wedding I am going to throw up. Candy buffets are so over.
randombride: Oh, I’ve never actually seen one.
justengaged: WHY DON’T YOU LURK BEFORE YOU POST?! THERE ARE LIKE 20 MILLION CANDY BUFFET QUESTIONS ALREADY ON HERE!!
randombride: Sorry, I was just looking for some ideas on how to do a cheap candy buffet,
brideusa: If you’re looking to save money on a candy buffet you probably can’t afford to get married.
randombride: You’re a bitch. And I just looked at your bio and you’re a gigantic cow.
brideusa: You’re trashy and tacky.
And nearly all of these altercations would end with 6 little words, “I feel bad for your husband.”
It was a scary, scary place people, but I loved it. Why? Because I was getting married! And I wanted to talk at length about dresses, and centerpieces, and the most mind numbingly boring wedding details that only other brides care about. I would spend an obscene amount of time on the boards planning out the minutiae of my wedding, and also? Getting into internet smackdowns about dollar dances, and cash bars, and fish centerpieces with random ladies. Totally great way to kill some time.
Somewhere along the way something very strange happened. I became actual friends with some of these girls. Like exchanging phone numbers and email addresses. Planning meet ups for Christ’s sake! MEET UPS! With people from the INTERNET! Had I not seen enough Dateline? Well, it turned out that all of the girls were actually real women, no penises, and not sex offenders. Score! Take that Chris Hansen!
That was over a year ago now and my friendships with these women have only gotten stronger. So now, I would like to share with you some of the many advantages to having internet friends:
- On the Internet, you can become friends with people in far away lands like Canada. Then you and your local Internet friends can get drunk and make signs telling your foreign Internet friends to suck it.
- Interesting fact, Canadians make super good Internet friends. Interestinger fact, drunk New Englanders make really awesome Canada bashing signs. Interestingest fact, New England actually loves Canada, so please don’t send me any hate mail. Go Hockey, eh!
- People from the Internet love to drink.
- Below you will see an obscene amount of drunk people. All of them are from the Internet.
- Internet people are great at making your significant other feel at ease.
- You may fear judgement from your partner if you suddently make a large group of Internet friends, but see the photo below for proof that even husbands love friends from the Internet. No judgement here!
- People from the Internet will not judge your freakishly large head.
- You will notice in the photos below that my head is quite a bit bigger than that of the average human. You know who doesn’t care about any of that? Internet friends.
So in closing, I love my friends. Friends I originally met on the Internet. Friends who have been there for me to celebrate with when things are great, and friends who have been there to support me when things are not-at-all-even-a-little-bit-great. You should totally go and make some Internet friends. The end.
I love Internet friends. But I do not love Internet friends who steal my quote.
“For the record, I met my husband at a bar, the way Jesus intended it.” THIEF!
Jill: brings the funny. brings the pictures.
Jen: did it first.
I think you still win. Balls.
http://hiverhiboux.blogspot.com/2009/05/internet-dating-with-only-slightly-less.html
In my defense, I had no idea you said that Pricey, but its totally true. That is exactly how Jesus wants it. He made that very clear in our conversation last night.
Aww- I love your post Jenni! Lets makeout!
You know your facial expression doesn’t change? I mean, you’re hot and all, but I’m suddenly suspicious you might be an android.
1. I love you for saying that I’m hot, you can now join Jenni and I in a virtual makeout session (hope that’s okay with J, Jenni).
2. I am not a robot, though it has been mentioned as a possibility in the past. I just lack smiling muscles. Its a sad, sad birth defect. For example, check me out on my wedding day:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3596/3618466150_eac437629d.jpg?v=0
It is awesome that you’ve been able to make friends. I was recently invited to dinner by one of my blog readers….
Your adoring fans from the midwest applaud this post!
Also, your head really isn’t abnormally large. Just abnormally beautiful.
i just found your blog and think you are the bees knees.
hello! i love your victorian hula hooping.
“I met my husband at a bar, the way Jesus intended it.”
ME TOO! And an hour later, we were making out on the steps of the Baptist church behind said bar.
You know, for Jesus.
I never noticed your freakishly large head until just now when you pointed it out. IT’S SO HUGE!*
*Ok, no it isn’t. You might have a problem with a freakishly large imagination, though. But since that’s one of the many, many things I love about you, its fine with me if you keep that going.
You’re awesome! Jesus told me.
Jesus talks to you too Krista?? We’ll have to compare notes later.
Also, Nini? You are too kind and I love you. I love you and your kindness.
I’m so happy for you and your Internet friends! And that they actually turned out to all be female and quite normal-looking!
I too have Internet friends that I’ve met in real life. I usually pick a country to travel around and then meet up with whichever friends I happen to have there. Usually a good way to travel cheaply too…!
So far not had any bad surprises, and had some great hospitality too.
That girl holding the CA NAD IA sign in the first picture is very cute (and, being a geek, I love the ?one!1…)
You should see her in person! Gorgeous! And smart! And funny! And married. Though, I’m working on her. I’m thinking she’ll start warming up to the idea of a lesbian affair any day now.
Any progress Lissy?
Never kissed a girl, but is thinking she may like it…….
Sebastian, seeing as my other boyfriend shares your name, you already get a two thumbs up in my book. Thanks for the compliment!
Oh, my pleasure.
You two are gossiping on the forum right now, eh?
Damn women…
maybbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeee………
Oh yes, there is massive gossiping. Mostly just talking about how attractive Lissy is and how Jenni has glorious breasts.
Glory be to the lady board.
Lissy is pretty spectacular. Porcelain skin and cheekbones for miles.
Back off my woman Dani! You’ve already stolen my husband, you can’t have my maybe-lesbian lover too. Unless you want to join us? After the baby of course. Unless you’re into that?
Too far? Apologize to Mike for me.
Hahaha SWINGTOWN. Hey, my alcohol tolerance is going to be really low.. anything could happen.
Oh my God, we just had our first virtual Swingtown moment. Ben is going to be so pissed that he missed it!
Tell Ben I said
:X
I have a feeling dinner on Friday is going to be awesome. Hopefully the six of us don’t scare Tara and Tony.
I have a feeling it will make for great content. I can see it now:
Dinner At Dani’s, or How I Made Swingtown Come True
So, I shoulda left a comment?
Well, I’ll tell ya. First you send me off to the wolves den that is the knot, then I have to talk about drinking, with a massive hangover.
Drinking’s a big thing for us (irish) so I know what you mean. I do love that you’ve got such a great bunch of internet friends though, very cool.
I apologize deeply for sending you to The Knot, Conor. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
::hangs head in shame::
Hi,
Interesting, I`ll quote it on my site later.
Hey! Glad you found me so that I can find you! I also have met some of my BEST friends via 20sb/The Internet and I am PROUD of it!
I am dying laughing. Can we be internet friends? Is that creepy…prob not supposed to ask. FUCK. Now I’m the creepy wannabe internet friend.
Elizabeth- I totally want to be Internet friends! I am in love with your site. Lets be creepy together!
Lily- I love that you have Internet friends too. Some of my closest friends are girls I originally met on the Internet. GO Internet!
I’m an internet person. I have friends. I like to drink.
BUT IM NOT IN YOUR FRIEND CIRCLE.
Time to whip out photoshop and insert myself in the pictures!
Hahahaha- we should totally be Internet friends! Photoshop away my friend- you are welcome here at The Pilgrim Congress.
Not in the newspapers-, TV, radio, online – NOWHERE.mental health