The Pilgrim Congress

These people ruined my husband’s life:

I know, I know.  They look all cute (a little nauseatingly so), but these are dangerous people.  Keep them away from your marriage at all costs.

These two are getting married in just a couple of months and The Husband is in the wedding.  This weekend was the wedding shower.  Now you may be asking yourself, what could possibly happen at a wedding shower that would end with my husband being relegated to a lifetime of couch sleeping?  THIS is what happened:

Oh the tragedy!!

This amazing and glorious wedding shower was made even more magical by the presence of 3 six week old Shih Tzu puppies.  Puppies.  For sale.  To buy.  Puppies.  For me.  To bring home.  Puppies.

Long have I wanted a puppy of my own!!  My ovaries, they desire not children, but puppies.  But lo, The Husband, he is a harsh master.

You see my husband does not want a puppy.  He would give you a long list of logical and rational reasons as to why we just can’t have a puppy right now, but he would be lying.  How do I say this nicely?  Deep down he just hates puppies and loves to make me cry.  I have tried many, many, many times to convince The Husband to forgo logic and just give in to the pull of The Puppy.  Thus far he has resisted.

Now when we showed up at the shower and were told of the puppies, my husband immediately went into panic mode.  I could see it on his face.  His face said, “Motherfucker!  There are fucking puppies here!!  I am so screwed!  How can I get Jill out of here before she sees the puppies??!  I’ll fake a heart attack!!  No, I’m too young for that!  I’ll fake a seizure!  You can have seizures at any age, right???”  But, while my husband’s face was saying all of that I had already made my way to the backyard where the puppies were being held.  And I had fallen in love.

(Before we go any further I want to assure you that I do all of my own photo editing.  We’re multi-talented here at The Pilgrim Congress.)

The Husband was unimpressed with my pleas, my begging, my promise of sexual favors in return for a puppy.  I tried every trick I’ve ever learned.  I tried getting him drunk, I tried threatening with him talk of a baby, I tried drawing attention to my breasts.

No dice.  The Husband, he is strong in his resolve.

I think you know how this ends.  It ends with me looking like this:

And my husband looking like this:

The end.