The Pilgrim Congress

You may have just read that title and thought, “Christ All Mighty, she’s going to tell some sappy story about how she met her husband on an internet dating site.”  But you, my friend, would be very wrong.  For the record, I met my husband at a bar, the way Jesus intended it.  This post [...]

Hey guess what?  I live in New England, which means there is a plethora of historical shit all over the place.  And guess what else?  I love it. 
So today, The Husband and I decided to enjoy the glorious New England weather (which quickly turned less than glorious because, well, we’re in New England) and go toStrawbery [...]

What?  I’m sure that was your immediate reaction upon reading that title, so let me explain a tad further.
1. Traditional carnivals tend to employ people of ill repute, possibly child molesters. Carnivals also sell cotton candy.
2. Blog carnivals are strictly anti-child abuse (as far as I know) and do not serve cotton candy BUT you [...]

Readers often write to me asking questions about The Pilgrim Congress.  Here are the answers to the most commonly asked questions:
1.  You are not funny at all.  Why do you seem to think you’re hilarious? 
My mom told me once, like ten years ago, that it was okay that Kelley was spreading all those nasty rumors [...]

I’m kind of a horrible person.  People who know me best, know this to be true.  Case in point, I think Father’s Day is the absolute most bullshit holiday of all time.  That is not to say I don’t love my father, I mean he’s okay and all, I just think Father’s Day is lame.  As [...]

As a matter of fact the pain is currently so great that I’m not sure I can even coherently write about it, so I’m going to supplement with visual aids. 
I had some dental work done about three weeks ago.  Since then I have felt like this:

I have been back to see my dentist three times [...]

I’m going to try very hard to utilize the skills my therapist has tried to teach me and write this without crying… I am lactose intolerant.  Pause here for long racking sobs directed at the sky and accompanied by violent fist shaking.
I can never eat ice cream, or mac and cheese, or cannolis, or clam chowder again. 
My life?  [...]

Once upon a time I married a great and beautiful lady.  She is way funnier than I am and it makes me want to cry, but I don’t because I am a big man.  I love her and want to have ten thousand of her babies. 
And then we lived happily ever after.
The End.
- The Husband*
*No, we [...]

Oh, the plans!  They are ruined!  Ruined by who, you ask?  My archnemesis Jesus*.  I had glorious plans that involved sunshine and sculpture parks and New England artists and NPR, but Jesus, he had other plans.  You see, Jesus?  He likes to make it rain and give me headaches. 
You see where this is going?  Instead [...]

Oh, is that not how you celebrate that its the weekend?  Just me?  Well then…
Onto the business!  What to do this weekend?  Various events for your enjoyment:

DeCordova’s Art in the Park Festival, Lincoln, MA: I have a secret to tell you, but you have to promise not to judge me too harshly.  I often begin [...]